In general, someone could prefer to spend time by themselves and when they are around others, they could have the tendency to lose who they are. When they are in their own company, then, they could have a fairly strong connection with their inner world and feel free to do just about whatever they choose to do.

However, when they are around others, they could automatically lose touch with their inner world and go along with what other people want. Thanks to this, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they prefer to spend time by themselves.

A Bleak Existence

At times, though, living in this way could cause them to feel incredibly isolated and alone. But, as they will spend so much time in their own company and lose themselves around others, they won’t be able to experience a great deal of human contact.

Along with this, by losing themselves around others, they are likely to often do things that they would rather not do and be walked over. Due to this, it can seem as if being alone or being taken advantage of is their only option, and neither of them is going to be very appealing.

A Hopeless Place

Still, although being alone will cause them to suffer, it is likely to be seen as being better than the alternative. The reason for this is that even though they will be cut off from others and deprived of human contact, they won’t end up being walked over.

It is then going to be the lesser of two evils and they will just have to tolerate what is going on. As a result of being this way, they can often feel hopeless and helpless and wonder if their life will ever change.

Running On Empty

Additionally, they can find that they often feel very low and seldom have much energy. This is likely to be partly due to the fact that by being deprived of human contact, they will miss out on a lot of the nutrients that they need to be able to feel whole and complete.

And even when they are around others, they will be playing a role which will prevent them from truly being able to receive. For this to take place, they would need to fully show up and reveal who they are, as this would allow them to actually take in what is being provided.


When it comes to who they are, this will be an expression of their needs and feelings. If these elements rarely influence their behaviour around others, it will mean that the needs and feelings of others will largely define their behaviour during this time.

They might be able to connect to these elements when they are in their own company or they might typically only be able to connect to what is taking place in their mind. If this is the case, a number of their needs and perhaps most of their feelings will often be a mystery.

What’s going on?

If they were able to step back and reflect, they might wonder why they experience life in this way. First, what will cross their mind is why they are unable to maintain who they are around others and to stand their ground, and, second, why they don’t have a good connection with their body.

What could also stand out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Upon seeing this, they could believe that they were simply born this way and that they will always be this way.

A Deeper Look

There is a chance that they are this way due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deeply traumatised, with them not being provided with the care that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way.

So, practically from the moment they were born, they may have been left and when they were given care, it might have largely been misattuned care. The outcome of this is that they would have been overwhelmed throughout this key stage of their life and, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on or run away.

One Option

To handle the pain and arousal that they experienced, their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and they would have gone into a shut down, frozen, disconnected and collapsed state. They were then born connected to their body (embodied), but they would have soon lost touch with their body (become disembodied).

Furthermore, they wouldn’t have been able to form energetic boundaries and their body would have become constricted. This will be why they lose themselves around others and only feel safe when they are in their own company.

It’s Over

Many, many years will have passed since they were hopeless, helpless and unable to protect themselves, but their body and brain won’t have moved on. To these parts of them, what happened won’t be over, and this is why they won’t feel safe enough to be in their body and freely express themselves.

For this to change, they are going to need to let go of the pain and arousal that their brain and body are holding onto. This is something that is likely to take patience and persistence as it won’t happen overnight.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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