The phrase, to bat above one's average, according to The Urban Dictionary is derived from the English gentleman’s sport of Cricket and means "When a male picks up a female substantially more attractive than all his previous efforts in women."

The phrase to bat below one's average, according to A Goddess in Love means, "When a male, regardless of sexual orientation, consistently picks up lovers and partners that are a serious reflection of his impoverished self image."

I received a comment from a young man, in response to an article about the relationship between sex and pizza which stated, "I ate at this really nice place once. Fancy and up scale and classy...had the best pizza I've ever had. It looked beautiful, it tasted heavenly... thing was, I never felt comfortable at the restaurant. I felt like I didn't have the class, wealth social standing to be there. It never gave me that safe and warm welcome of home. I don't go there anymore."

This confession brought up a very important phenomenon that I have witnessed, mainly in men under the age of 40. On the one hand, I am aware that his statement was quite sweet and represents what is, in fact, one of his most attractive qualities, his realness. On the other hand, I had to tell him I was some concerned. I suspect that the shadow side to his discomfort with such a posh atmosphere, lead to this particular slice of fantastic pizza "being out of his league" which could be an unconscious way of supporting a self sabotaging tendency to... bat below his average.

I have some extra insight into this particular man's case since I have known him for some years now. He is extremely attractive, clear eyed, insightful and thoughtful. More importantly, in regards to his batting average, I have also known several ladies that have consistently lusted after this man from afar. These women were at times nearly twenty years his senior, professional, beautiful, successful. You know, very well "pulled together." All of them were "fancy and upscale." As far as I know he has been completely ignorant of the large dating pool of actual adult females that may be available to him. This is due to the fact that he is not seeing himself clearly, just yet. He has no idea what he's got to offer. It is always agreed, when his name is mentioned, that, "When that boy figures out what he's got {becomes a man, in other words}, some lucky lady is going to be a very happy and satisfied woman."

Here's the thing, you become who you surround yourself with. This is especially true of who you choose as an intimate partner. Think about all the stuff you are sharing when you have sex with someone and then relate that to the rest of your life. 'Cause creative energy, the strongest power on our planet, is also sexual energy. The life you create has much to do with how and with whom you expend this stuff. So, to bat above or below your average is going to affect your overall quality-of-life average, day by beautiful day.

Men, once you take an honest look at yourself and your average, go to bat with the intention of going above your last swing at it and your average will continue to rise! There is no reason in the whole wide world to settle for bad or even good when you could be going for great. You can do this, I have seen it done and while it is challenging (even the potential for rejection is enough to make many of you retreat to familiar and reliable standbys - read booty calls or "crazy" exes) that's exactly what raises your average and proves your metal, making you more of a man each and every time you go for it.

There will be time to talk more about becoming a Man and becoming a Woman ('cause ladies we do this too, just from a different angle) becoming adult Human Beings in the long run. The concept that like really does attract like and the idea that you get what you give have proven true in my life experience thus far. It seems simple really and yet I find I can easily overlook the reality of what this means for my life on a day to day basis. Here yes, is another lesson and an opportunity for growth.

Author's Bio: 

Kimberly Laura Mychal Malone is an artist, writer, actress and entertainment industry entrepreneur currently residing in the Pacific Northwest of the United States (a few weeks from now though she will be relocating to sunny Souther California.)

You can follow her dating exploits and musings on sex, love and relationships at A Goddess in Love -