Although attention is something that everyone needs, there are some people who need more attention than others. As a result of this, the amount of attention that will be enough for one person won’t be enough for another.

And what has made it easier for someone to receive attention is social media, with this being somewhere where someone can receive attention no matter where they are. The only thing that someone needs to do is to share picture or a video and the rest will take care of itself.


So, while someone may believe that they are ‘independent’ and, therefore, don’t need anyone else, this is nothing more than an illusion, which is why they need attention, amongst other things. In the same way that a child needs attention in order to develop a sense of self, an adult needs attention in order to maintain their sense of self.

If this didn’t take place, they would be like a plant without water. The outcome of this is that they would slowly lose their sense of self and they would probably end up going mad in the process.

The Evidence Is There

If someone doubts that this would happen, they only need to do some research on what happens to people who end up in solitary confinement. Through being starved of human contact, along with not hearing anything, they end up going insane.

The book ‘the power of others’ by Michael Bond goes into this and explains how destructive it to be deprived of human contact. This is why so much damage is done to a child if they are neglected.

The Difference

However, while a child will need a fair amount of attention to be able to develop in the right way, an adult shouldn’t need as much attention. The reason for this is that they should have developed a sense of self.

Through having a sense of self, they should be able to handle the moments when no one is there to give them attention. During these moments, the adult part of them will be able to be there for the child part of them.

Two Directions

The child part of them will represent the child who they once were, with this part of them needing more attention than their adult self. Thanks to their ability to give this part of them attention, they won’t need as much attention from others.

This is then similar to how, as they are an adult, they will be able to lift things by themselves, not simply relying on others to lift things for them. Being this way is likely to have a positive effect on their relationships, too.

Give and Take

They will need attention from the people in their life, but they won’t need so much attention from them that these people end up feeling drained by them. If this wasn’t the case, the people in their life may end up feeling drained by their neediness.

Also, through needing less from others, they will be able to give more to them. The people in their life will be able to feel energised after spending time with them as opposed to feeling washed out afterwards.

Another Scenario

Yet, just because someone is an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will have a strong sense of self. Through being in an undeveloped state, it can mean that they will need a lot of attention from others.

The adult part of them won’t be able to give the child part of them any of the attention that it needs, meaning that the child part of them will be completely reliant on other people to give them attention. What this can also illustrate is that they didn’t receive what they needed during their earlier years to develop in the right way.

Two Parts

The part of them that can give another part of them attention is then rarely, if ever, going to be online and the child part of them will be in a lot of pain. It is not going to matter how many years have passed since they were a child, as they will still feel like one deep down.

In the same way that a child will need attention from others to know that they exist, one will also be the same. And until the adult part of them is developed, they will be totally dependent on others.

An Energy Vampire

If they go without the attention of others for even short period of time, they may end up feeling as though they are invisible. The people in their life could find that one takes a lot of their energy and that they receive very little in return.

What is clear is that no matter how much attention they receive from others, it won’t have a lasting effect on them. There is a black hole within them that can’t be filled, and this is why the attention that they receive from others will never be enough.


The black hole within them can’t be filled by receiving attention, but it can gradually be filled if they work through their inner wounds. By grieving their unmet childhood needs, their child self will need less and their adult self will get stronger in the process.

Instead of feeling like a child and unconsciously seeing other people as parental figures, they will be able to mother and father themselves. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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