Many singles find dating too difficult at times. Indeed, singles are “connected” with many others via social networks, but still find it difficult to find a suitable partner, develop and maintain a satisfying intimate relationship.

Convincing themselves that they are just too busy to look, search and find a partner – rather than attempting to understand what it is that hinders their attempts! – many of them resort to hiring personal coaches, advisors or dating experts, hoping that these professionals will match them with the “right” person.

But is it really a shortage of time that inhibits them from finding the right person? Or could it be that even when they meet a potential partner many singles just don’t know how to develop a healthy and successful relationship? Could it be that they are unaware of the many ways in which they sabotage their attempts at intimacy?

Singles sabotaging their attempts at relationships

There are many singles that, without even knowing it, shoot themselves in the foot in relationships. Being unaware of doing so, they don’t know what they need to change in order to succeed next time around. Consequently, it makes no difference on how many dates they go and how many relationships they attempt to develop: they fail over and over again, for the simple reason that they just never take the time to understand what they do which harms their attempts.

They therefore resort to finding one and thousand excuses to justify their failures, not the least is: shortage of time. Resorting to dating services is one way to not take responsibility for their failed attempts. “Let someone else do the job”, they tell themselves, “Then it will not be my sole responsibility for yet another failed attempts.”

Self-Awareness: The Road not Taken

Taking responsibility for one’s success or failure at relationships is a key to making a significant change leading to success. It is only when one takes responsibility and becomes truly motivated to understand, once and for all, what hinders his/her attempts that they embark on the road to success.

Taking responsibility means: deciding, once and for all, to become aware of a host of factors which drive one to fail in relationships. Could it be one’s attitudes towards the other sex? Could these be one’s fears and needs which drive him/her to behave in self-sabotaging ways? Could these be messages one internalized at a young age about how relationships “should” look like – messages which now, as an adult, come back to haunt? Could these be unrealistic expectations and fantasies about partners and relationships which drive one to expect the impossible (and blame the partners time and again)? Could this be one’s perception of reality, being convinced that “My way” of thinking, feeling and doing things is always “the right way”, and the partner’s “the wrong way”?

When singles ask themselves these – and other – questions; when they look inwards and observe themselves; and when they develop Self-Awareness, they become able to de-activate the power these factors have exerted upon them, and make the necessary changes leading to finding and developing a healthy and satisfying relationship.

Author's Bio: 

Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!” Available as eBook and paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relations...

Dr. Gil has a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has taught classes on Self-Awareness and Relationships to thousands of students, lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, gave workshops and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.