Time can be a big source of conflict in relationships.

When you get married “your time” also becomes “their time” and if you have children then you need to also schedule in “family time” and time for family chores.

Many couples I speak to are feeling so busy and stressed by feeling pulled in multiple directions that the quality of the marriage is declining.

Perhaps you can relate? Are you both so busy with work, the children and your own interests that you can go for days without having a real conversation? Do you now Do you only discuss financials and children’s activities? And what about your physical intimacy? Is bedtime only for sleeping?

Arguments over how time is spent, is fairly common in relationships. But it becomes a problem when quality time is eliminated from the relationship. A lack of quality time over a period of months or years can lead to frustration, resentment and withdrawal. It can also cause feelings of neglect, which creates further emotional and physical distance.

I feel passionate about this topic because poor time management is something I failed at in past relationships. I neglected to nurture my relationship in pursuit of business success and lost it.

Awareness that you are not spending enough time together is key, but is only the first step. Knowledge is useless without action. So listed below are 4 steps to strengthen your marriage and put the fun, excitement and passion back into it. These come from my experience working with hundreds couples as a marriage counselor - So if I time is an issue for you both I know they will work for you.

Sit down and have a collaborative discussion using the following the below guidelines or if you don’t get anywhere on your own consider marriage counseling. It only takes one person to create positive change in a marriage.

Marriage Counseling Tip 1. Creating a Balance

When I work with couples in my marriage counseling, I sit them down and we assess how each of them are spending their time and why. I ask them to share what is important to each of them and then work out what needs to stay and what can be let go of, so we can create more alone time.

Marriage Counseling Tip 2. Create 10-15 hours a week for each other

Come up with a weekly plan for alone time together (without friends or family). You want to have an absolute minimum of 10 hours per week. Ideally 15 hours if you are saving the marriage mode. This is separate from family time. Decide together when your couple and family time will be. Scheduling it in makes you commit and it is therefore more likely to happen.

Nick a client said to me that it was impossible for him and his wife to have any time together because their evenings were spent taking and watching their children participate in sports. The used to share the duties one night Nick would do it, the next night Karen. I suggested to them that perhaps, him and his wife could try going together to the children’s activities. It worked really well, they went for walks, coffee or meals in between the pick-ups and drop-offs.

Sometimes individuals and couples when I suggest this clients object by saying “ Nicola I just don’t have enough time .” But we all have exactly the same amount of hours per day. If you think about it, time is the only thing that is equal in life, it doesn’t matter what your financial, religious or ethnic background is. We must create time for what is important.

Marriage Counseling Tip 3. Remove distractions

If you ONLY just focus on the hours you spend with each other, without looking at what you do in that time, your efforts may be wasted. Today we are bombarded with distractions from facebook, linkedin, twitter, instagram, youtube, the list could go on. Then there is zoning out infront of the TV, switching off using food, sleep or alcohol which can also take us away from our partner. Make a commitment to lessen the distractions. Have phone and technology free hours together. There is nothing worse than attempting to connect with someone whose attention is elsewhere it can lead you to feel unimportant and rejected. Quality time is what matters.

Marriage Counseling Tip 4. Make sure the time is spent on what you value most

Everyone of us has different relationship needs. Share your desires with your partner for the time you spend together. The most common needs for women tend to be affection, engaging conversation, for men physical intimacy and doing activities together can be more important.

Marriage Counseling Tip 5. Get close and sleep next to each other

I know this article is about time, but lack of time, hectic schedules, extreme tiredness and the need for a good night sleep can lead to the habit of separate rooms, completely different sleeping times or separation in the bed.

Only you can know if this area needs improving and if you feel it does - work on getting back in touch — literally.

If you are struggling right now with resentment, lack of quality time or one of the other most common marriage problems. Get in touch and book your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation

From my heart to yours, Nicola Nicola Beer

Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

Nicola Beer

Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

I specialize in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!

P.S Struggling in Your Marriage? Get the FREE Report - 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage! And learn

The 6 Essential Keys to Keeping a Marriage Happy
How to Increase Love, Happiness and Passion in your marriage in less than 2 weeks!
How to motivate and Inspire Your Spouse To Change
How to Overcome Past Hurt, Resentment, so You can Rebuild Respect & Trust
Get the 7 Secrets Now - http://savemymarriageprogram.com/7-secrets

PP.S OR If your marriage is in SERIOUS trouble and you need help now - Book Your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation TODAY www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult

Author's Bio: 

Nicola Beer is an International Relationship & Divorce Coach who helps her clients find peace and create a new beginning after Marriage Breakdown and Divorce. This includes helping couples on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues once and for all, so that they can revive the love, passion, respect, and fun that's been missing.

As well as helping clients during and after Divorce to manage stress, create more income and adjust to new financial realities, redefine who they are, create a new social life, and when they are ready attract someone great. Nicola also runs 2 parenting programs that support children through and after divorce

Nicola has combined 11 years' experience helping people with emotional issues. This comprises 7 years private coaching and 4 years as a volunteer for the Samaritans where she supported callers dealing with any emotional distress. She is UK certified in Coaching, Grief Recovery for Adults and Children, NLP, Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis.

Nicola's passion to support people before, during and after divorce comes from her own childhood, where due to the stress of divorce her mother suffered a mental breakdown. As 1 of 5 children the divorce was devastating for her family and affected each of her family in different ways. More recently Nicola's older sister with 4 children is going through a difficult divorce. Having experienced and seen the pain and stress associated with divorce Nicola is focused on proving solutions. She knows divorce doesn't have to mean disaster and takes her clients and their children from surviving to thriving. She is equally passionate about saving marriages, so has a program to overcome relationship problems.

Nicola works with expats and locals, Muslims and Non-Muslims from all over the world, mainly from Dubai, London, India, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, either in person for a 2 day intensive package or further afield US, Australia via video conference and phone.