Are You Parenting from Fear?

I blogged about parenting from fear recently. Since writing about it, I have become acutely aware of how much of my anxiety is driven by fears about what might happen to my kids. I read a quote recently by Alan Cohen that stated, “Anxiety is a sign that you have made up a story contrary to reality. Love does not fear.”

It started when my daughter had a skiing accident and sustained a pretty severe concussion. The injury has limited her activity for the rest of her life. I believe this is what triggered my anxiety, but it has seemed to transfer to football. And I have a son who lives and breathes football. If he had to make a choice between all the sports he plays, he would choose football. Hands down. But it scares the heck out of me. Watching my son every Sunday has become a test in anxiety management for me. I am a nervous wreck.
The book I’m writing talks about how we can make small shifts in the way we parent that will help guide our children to become aware of their purpose or destiny, and live an authentic life. One of the chapters is about parent agendas vs. kid agendas. In a nutshell, it means allowing your kids to discover and explore what interests them, with your guidance. So this is my internal struggle…I wish my son didn’t play football. I wish he didn’t want to play football. And sometimes my anxiety over it all makes me want to just pull the plug on it.
When I able to get quiet and think clearly and objectively, I realize I can’t live my life in fear. Fear limits us. It’s totally limiting me when it comes to this and if I allowed it to consume me and take over, it would limit my son too. Because this is something he likes and is interested in and wants to do. Is it fair to take that away from him because I am fearful that something may happen? There are many positives that he is getting from being part of a team, like working together. This season, they are learning to lose with dignity, which is an amazing lesson. Yes, the concussion risk and injury risk is probably higher in football, but my daughter's head injury was from a fluke skiing accident. Kids can get hurt riding their bike and walking across the street. So I am trying to recognize when I am living in, and making decisions from fear and I am working on moving from fear into “allowing”. It reminds me of the 3rd step in AA: “Made a decision to turn our lives and our will over to the care of God as we understood Him.” We have to let go and realize that we are not in control.
Meditation Becoming aware is the first step in not living out of fear. The next, equally important step, is doing something about it. For me, mediation and breathing helps. I have a Wayne Dyer meditation on my ipod, but you can google it and find tons that you can download. Sometimes I only have time to take 2 minutes and just take nice long deep breaths. When I have a bit more time I like a guided meditation. It keeps my mind more focused.
Reiki Reiki is a healing energy that uses a simple hands-on method with the goal of improving the flow of life energy in a person. Reiki is performed by a trained Reiki practitioner. It is very relaxing and stress-reducing. This works for me. My anxiety immediately improves. You can get individual sessions (which are more expensive) or you can find a Reiki Circle, which is lead by a trained practitioner and the fee is a donation (from $5-$20).
Affirmations I use affirmations daily. I use some to start my day and I have some affirmations that I use for specific situations. When I am feeling anxious and fearful, I use one by Wayne Dyer. “ I release the need for _______________(anxiety and fear) in my life”. It’s very simple and easy. I say it over and over (depending on how anxious I am) and it settles me. Try and find some that are meaningful to and see if it helps.
Once you have become aware of how much fear is a driving force in your parenting, you can start to find things that help to alleviate it. And then you can come from a place of peace and clarity when you are faced with decisions and situations that come up for you as a parent.
Are you living in fear?