Take This Quiz

How do you relate to your partner? When an unmet need arises, a concern or issue, listen to the words and the tone you use. Listen to the words and tone the other party uses. Are you aggressive and dominating? Is your partner aggressive and dominating?

Do you allow him or her to control you? Do you control your partner? Are you soft, shrink down, and become fearful or insecure? Does your partner become fearful, insecure, or shrink back? Either extremes of the relationship scale can be out of balance.

In a healthy relationship we take personal responsibility for our own needs, for what we say and yes, how we feel. In an unhealthy relationship, we blame others and they blame us for unmet needs, or for how we ourselves feel.

At one end of the relating spectrum is victimization, which typically comes from individuals who were neglected, abandoned, or abused as children. They tend to dismiss their own needs and consequently become angry or frustrated at their partner for failing to meet those needs.

At the opposite end of the relationship spectrum is entitlement, which typically comes from individuals who were spoiled or were raised with an over inflated idea of themselves as children. They tend to overindulge themselves and consequently will be insensitive or callous to their partner’s needs.

Below is a quiz to test your relationship maturity. The quiz should be filled out by your significant other. They will be more aware and honest than you will be of yourself and you will be more honest and objective of how they behave.

Relationship Maturity Quiz

Directions: Put a check after any of the behaviors you recognize from your partner. This is not to blame, shame, or criticize. This exercise is only to raise awareness. Raising awareness is the first step to cultivate change and growth. Or perhaps to evaluate if a certain relationship is the right fit for you.

1. My partner sulks, becomes angry, or withdrawn when he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants.
2. My partner becomes angry or critical when I have a different view of politics, religion, or life than he/she has.
3. My partner becomes angry, demanding, sulks or withdraws when he/she feels ignored or neglected.
4. My partner makes a pest of his/herself with phone calls, texts, or emails to me to get my attention.
5. My partner becomes possessive or jealous if someone of the opposite sex tries to befriend me.
6. My partner likes to control me, so he/she can get me to do what he/she wants me to do.
7. My partner allows him/herself to be taken advantage of, for fear of losing my love.
8. My partner can be self centered.
9. My partner does not like to take responsibility for his/her words or actions if they have hurt me.
10. My partner tends to become physically or emotionally absent if we experience an issue or conflict.
11. My partner is uncomfortable with apologies, giving or receiving them.
12. My partner has a great need for enormous amounts of attention due to unmet childhood needs.
13. My partner blames others for his/her problems.
14. My partner is insecure about being alone. He/she would rather stay in an unhappy relationship.
15. My partner seeks approval and acceptance from me to confirm his/her self worth.
16. My partner lacks sensitivity when he/she hurts me.
17. My partner lacks compassion towards me when I am in emotional pain, by failing to listen to me and failing to offer support.
18. My partner has been untrustworthy, unreliable, disloyal, or undependable more than a few times. He/she didn’t have my back.

Add up the checks:

1-3 checks = Relationally Mature

4-9 checks = Relationally in need of maturing. In need of understanding his/her own unmet needs, feelings, and emotions.

10-13 checks = Relationally immature and self centered. In need of understanding his/her partner’s unmet needs, feelings, and emotions.

14-18 checks = Relationally Unhealthy at a Child’s Level. Not mature enough to be in an intimate relationship.

Remember, you are not responsible for how your partner acts. You are responsible for how you allow your partner to treat you. You deserve to be treated with respect, love, kindness, and trust. Do not compromise.

Author's Bio: 

Denise Wade Ph.D. CMRC is a Dating Mentor, Transformational Educator, Author, Researcher, and Relationship Expert. Denise empowers, teaches, and inspires women to release emotional baggage, heal past pains, identify unhealthy relationship patterns and triggers, and be seen and heard in all their relationships. She is passionate about helping women create positive, loving, long lasting relationships.

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Copyright © 2011 by Denise Wade, Ph.D. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.