Angry About Feeling Angry? A New Way to Control Your Anger--Learn How!

Have you ever said something in the heat of anger that you have regretted later? Does this behavior confuse you? If so, you aren't the only one. This article offers steps that you can take for living your life with fewer regrets and feeling more peace and happiness in the process. Find the answers you've been looking for about why you're so angry, and what it will take for you to be able to stop and think before you say something else you wish you hadn't. Read on...

Managing these feelings of anger is essential if we want to live a more peaceful, happy, and guilt-free life. Uncomfortable feelings can wreak havoc in our daily lives and especially that all-too-familiar feeling of anger. When anger rears its ugly head, it can sometimes be difficult to control. Before you realize it, words come out of your mouth that you never would have said if you weren't angry. So, learning new skills and techniques to manage your anger gives you a greater sense of control and will, in turn, help you to feel less stressed and happier.

How do you feel when you're in the middle of an argument? Does it sometimes seem as if you must not care about the words that are coming out of your mouth, especially when those words are aimed at someone you care about? We want you to realize that this is not the truth. We believe that you care a great deal about what you say. If you didn't, you wouldn't be reading this article or feeling regretful about what you said in the heat of the moment. Knowing the motivations behind your words is the key to having more control over upset and conflicts.

The Root Cause of the Anger

Throughout our lifetime, we create our own beliefs in relation to ourselves and others. Many of these beliefs create limits on what we can achieve in our lives. Undiscovered limiting beliefs like these can unintentionally make us angry and cause us to say things we later regret. You can overcome these limitations by knowing three things:

We first need to become aware of how our limiting beliefs can warp our perception of the world around us. Then, we need to be able to notice when we are starting to be controlled by these beliefs. Once we have discovered these limiting beliefs, we can then create conscious intentions about how to respond to situations that will be more in harmony with who we really are.

If you don’t take the time to focus on these steps, you will never understand why you react the same way time and again without anything ever changing.

Because blowing up in anger is a knee-jerk reaction, we usually don't have enough time to stop and accurately observe the situation. How does this happen? Typically, our anger begins to get stimulated when we believe a situation should be going differently, or when our unconscious beliefs about the world began to take over. Usually it is some combination of the two.

Discovering Your Limiting Beliefs

We can tell when we arrive at one of our core limiting beliefs because they often sound something like this: "People are so selfish and I don't matter at all,” “I'm not competent and people expect way more than I can do,” “I'm helpless and people can be dangerous." Sometimes, it is a mixture of these or a combination of other similar statements. Yours may sound similar or some variation of these themes.

We have never met anyone who can honestly say that they have no limiting beliefs. This is not a bad thing and we want to make it clear that were not saying limiting beliefs are wrong and need to be fixed. You don't even need to know why they came into existence. Beliefs are only beliefs and all you need to do is become conscious of them and then choose how to respond.

The good news is that beliefs are just something you think about again and again; and if that's true, then all you need to do to change a belief is to think about something else. Begin by considering all of your possible beliefs and try to identify those that might be putting limits on you. Then, start to convert them to something you like more. Look for other beliefs that you enjoy and know they are supporting your happiness.

There are numerous reasons for why people act the way they do and it would be impossible to cover them all in one article. This article will provide some valuable advice for how to slow down and gather your thoughts before talking. Here are some “how-to's” that will help:

For you to better appreciate how we ended up creating limiting beliefs in the first place, you can view our video, "How to Reclaim Your Authentic Happiness." It explains how we have misinterpreted many of the experiences in our lives and have used them as building blocks to create beliefs that limit us. The interesting part is that even when we are no longer subject to the original triggering events, we still act from the belief we created in relation to them.|

Another critical aspect to know about yourself is where your values truly lie. There is a short questionnaire on our website that is designed to help you determine what is most important to you in life. Once you have this information, it is easier to redirect your every day actions to help bring you closer to your core values.

A third exercise for you to practice is to start paying closer attention to the other feelings around you, such as anger. Not the anger itself, but the feelings around it. What comes before the anger? What physical sensations do you feel before the anger sets in, and what emotions or sensations precede rage or resentment?

Anger isn't an emotion you just want to suppress, and we want to be very clear about saying that anger isn't a "bad thing.” When anger is understood, it can be a supportive guide toward your undiscovered values or the qualities in your life that are most important to you. Use your anger and other uncomfortable feelings to remind yourself that what you value is missing in the situation. Let them guide you to actions that will support you in having the life you want. Therefore, rather than wasting your energy trying to suppress your anger, learn to use it to your own advantage.