While someone’s relationships can be an expression of their true-self, they can also be an expression of their false-self. What this means is that one can be surrounded by people who don’t know who they really are.


Even so, this doesn’t mean that these people will realise this, and this is because they could believe that it is a reflection of their true nature. But if one has been this way for as long as they have known them, then there is going to be no reason for them to have a different outlook.

Along with this, these people are likely to be friends with them due to how they behave, and so this is also going to play a part in why they are unlikely to look into their behaviour. One’s behaviour will then have been what brought them in and what has kept them around.

Another Element

However, what this could also come down to is that the people around them are also out of touch with who they are. This then stops them from realising that one is disconnected from themselves.

Having said that, there could still be moments where they are criticised by some of the people that they are close to. There is the chance that one has become accustomed to this kind of behaviour.

A Role

One reason why this can take place is that one is likely to play a certain role, and this is going to stop them for being able to function as a whole human being. This can then mean that they will feel only feel comfortable when it comes to displaying certain behaviours.

When it comes to the people they spend their time with, they are also likely to be in the same position. Thus, there will be moments when they spend time with people who display the same behaviour as they do and moments when they spend time with people whose behaviour is the complete opposite.

The Missing Piece

One way of looking at it would be to say that one is missing something, and through being this way, they end up with people who are also missing something. Through coming together, they supply what the other person doesn’t have.

However, this is nothing more than an illusion, and this comes down to the fact that one is not missing anything. The people around them are also not missing anything, but this doesn’t mean that it is possible for someone to realise this through thinking differently, for instance.

Deep Work

In order for this to take place, there is that chance that they will need to work on their mind and their body, and this is why it is rarely a short-term process. It can be a time when one will be working through the pain that is within them, and this is going to take courage.

As a result of this, it can be normal for someone to carry on as they are, and their life could end up getting even worse. What can also play a part in this is that people are not encouraged to face themselves in today’s world; what is normal is to avoid pain and to life a life of escapism.

A Common Dynamic

When it comes to how one behaves in their relationships, they could come across as easy going. It might not matter how badly people treat them, as they could tolerate whatever takes place.

Some of the people that they spend their time with could come across as abusive, and this is likely to create conflict. There could be times when they appreciate how one behaves and times when they have a go at them for being too passive, for instance.

The Problem

One can then be seen as the person who needs to change and the other person can believe that they have it altogether. There is then no need to for them to change their behaviour, and one will need to work on themselves.

However, even if one was to realise that they are not the only ones who need to change, it doesn’t mean that they will speak out. If they were to think about standing up for themselves, they could believe that something bad would happen, and it could cause them to experience fear and anxiety.


What this can show is that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own anger, and this is why they allow people to walk all over them. It then won’t matter if they feel angry, as it won’t be possible for them to stand their ground.

Yet when it comes to some of the people that they spend their time with, they also have trouble with their anger. On one hand, they can express how they feel, but on the other hand, it is something that they have no control over.

A New Experience

Nevertheless, if one was to get to the point where they were no longer willing to experience life in this way, and they were to gradually integrate their anger, it doesn’t mean that the people round them would accept what is taking place. Instead, they could try to make them return to how they were before.

This could be hard for one to understand; especially if they have criticised them in the past for not standing up for themselves, for instance. Yet what this can come down to is that these people don’t feel comfortable when someone is assertive.

An Act

The reason they don’t feel comfortable can be the result of what took place during the beginning of their life, and this could have been a time when they were taken advantage of in some way. Being around someone who is assertive can not only remind them of what took place; it can also cause them to feel vulnerable and as though they have no control.

Whereas when one tolerated bad behaviour, they would have been able to avoid how they felt all those years ago. It is then necessary for them to be defined by their anger, as this is the only way for them to feel safe.


What this shows it that when one changes their inner world, it doesn’t always mean that their outer world will follow suite. One may find that they no longer want to spend time around the same people, and that it is their best interest to walk away (that’s if they are unable to grow together).

The kind of people they are drawn to will then reflect their true-self as opposed to their false-self. In order for one to integrate their anger, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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