Most of us enjoy a good action movie. Watching the battle between good and evil is always entertaining. In the end one of the co-stars is killed. Sometimes it is the good character and sometimes it is the evil leader.

What we need to be careful of is transferring what we see in movies into our relationships. Often when we are having challenges in our relationships, these vivid images of the endings to movies come to mind. There is one difference that needs to be noted. In a relationship, there is no good or bad guy. No one deserves to die. We must learn to respect differences and grow in a relationship by maintaining personal identity while simultaneously defining a relational identity.

When we have disagreements, it is natural to express anger or disappointment. However it is not okay to become physically violent. Both the man and woman should learn to not use weapons or even their physical body, but learn to use the weapon of healthy communication.

Am I angry or violent? To answer this question, simply analyze your motives. When angry, your motive should be how to overcome the obstacle of misunderstanding with your partner. If you are violent your motive becomes not to communicate your way of thinking but to cause physical harm to the other individual. This is not healthy.

As a couple, work together to create a healthy life ending and not those we see in movies. In relationships, only the team wins, not the “good or bad guy.”

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Author's Bio: 

Gerald Anthony is a PhD candidate in Counseling and Current President of The Faith Hope and Love Foundation. His interest include languages, culture, and helping others.