What someone could do is create the impression that they are not very emotional and even that they don’t have an emotional self. The reason for this is that they can typically come across as calm and detached.

Another part of this is that they might not have a strong desire to be around others and may often spend time by themselves. Unlike those who are emotional or have an emotional self, they are then going to be very different.

A Way of Life

There is the chance that this is how this person has been for as long as they can remember, which means that they may believe that they were just born this way. That is, of course, if they were able to step back and reflect on how they experience life.

If this hasn’t taken place, this will just be how their life is and that will be all there is to it. In this case, they could often think about how some people are too emotional and lack self-control and that some people are too needy, for instance.

Emotional Experience

When it comes to their inner world, although they won’t typically have a lot going on, they could sometimes feel down and depressed. This will show that feeling flat and drained is something that they struggle with.

But, when they do end up in a low place, they could have a number of ways to cover up what is going on for them. For example, they could consume something or engage in a certain activity that will allow them to alter their state, if only for a short while.


If they don’t have a strong desire to be around others, it doesn’t mean that they will often feel alone and cut-off. This feeling and this experience might not enter their conscious awareness and even if they do start to feel something, they could just find a distraction.

If they do have friends, these people could be more like associates. Then again, they could have a number of close friends but not have the desire to be in an intimate relationship.

A Different Direction

Now, if they were to end up getting into a relationship or just to end up seeing another person, they may find that it is hard for them to open up and emotionally connect to them. Naturally, the position they now find themselves in will be very different and it is to be expected they won’t become someone else.

Thanks to this, there is the chance that their time with the other person will end up coming to an end. The person they are with might want to be with someone who is more open and more connected to how they feel.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, they could start to feel smothered and trapped and feel the need to keep their distance. Due to this, they could pull away and this is how their time with the other person could come to an end.

As a result of this, they could end up coming into contact with a number of feelings that they don’t usually experience. It could be as if they were on stable ground at one point and now they are all at sea.

A Bad Way

So, while, they may have felt trapped when they were with the other person, they can find that they now feel as though they have been abandoned. Along with this, they could feel hopeless and helpless and it could be as if their life is going to come to an end.

What is going on for them will be radically different to how they usually are and this could make them wonder what is going on. That is unless what is going on for them is so intense that they are finding it hard to think clearly.

The Next Stage

As time passes, they could end up losing touch with these feelings, thereby allowing their inner experience to change. But, even if this does take place, it might be long until this pain appears once more.

If they end up getting into another relationship or start seeing another person, they could have a very similar experience to the one they had last time. What this could do is make them take a closer look into what is going on.

Going Deeper

At first, they may have believed that how they felt was caused by the person they were with but, now that it has happened again, they might no longer be able to accept this. However, they might have absolutely no idea as to why they feel abandoned and as though their life is going to come to an end once a relationship or their time with another is over.

What this may show is that their developmental years were not very nurturing, with this being a stage when they were deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. From the moment they were born, they may have often been neglected and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care.

A Brutal Time

To handle the pain that they would have experienced throughout this time, their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and they would have gone into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state. This was their only option as they were powerless and totally dependent.

But, even though this would have allowed them to survive a very traumatic period of their life, it would have caused them to become estranged from themselves, losing touch with their feelings and a number of their needs in the process. The pain that they experienced would have been pushed deep inside their brain and body and the end of a relationship, for instance, will dredge some of this pain up.

The power of Repression

This shows that no matter how many years pass, how they felt during their formative years won’t simply disappear. Yet, as their brain will have stopped this pain from entering their conscious awareness for so long and it will have been unlocked through being with another person, it could have easily seemed to have disappeared.

Most likely, for them to let go of this pain and truly put the past behind them, they will need to face and work through it. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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