I was a very sensitive child who chose to internalize the message heard from the adults around me. “You’re so easily upset,” they would tell me. “You’re just too sensitive,” and so I was encouraged to resent that I could feel….deeply. I became convinced that suppression of feeling experience was the best course. I found that this compromise meant that I was numb to the experience of compassion, peace, joy, and unconditional love. I felt justified in the belief that I was safer - no longer ‘forced’ to experience the intensity of pain from attacks projected by significant others when I failed to behave as they believed we should all behave, energetically. I know now that my heart desired all along to teach me how to have it all; how to experience the calm assurance and courage of a more authentic me in the face of potentially abusive energy from others. I chose to go it contrary to my heart’s guidance which made sense to me under childhood circumstances, but now that I am on a path of undoing what I did and restoring what was lost, I feel the Truth that was there with me all along….as authentic presence emanating from within my heart center.

Feeling is more than emotion; it is the sum total of our experience in the moment – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When we judge how the moment feels to us, we give up our power to guide the unfolding experience of the moment within us. Resentment/judgment comes out of the faulty conviction that we are not the creator of our inner experience, that we do not qualify and condition such experience, and that we are merely the effect of choices made beyond the self. I am making a distinction here between inner experience and current outer events/circumstances. What happens around us is a co-creation of many; how we experience those circumstances within is a choice. Attachment/judgment as ‘good’ also separates us out of the sense of being the cause of how we feel. Beneath this elation experience is an unconscious fear that the circumstances we believe responsible for our current happiness cannot last, and sure enough, they don’t. Our lives are like the rudderless ship cast adrift on the waves of a capricious sea that sometimes blesses us with ‘good’ only to curse us eventually with justification to feel ‘bad.’ Such uncertainty begs the need to assert control any way possible, and so we numb our awareness to what we are feeling in the moment. The feelings are still within our bodies – physically, mentally, emotional, spiritually – but in something of a repressed and frozen state. We simply are not acknowledging this activity in order to try to cope with the current condition of our inner life. Such a numbing of the experience of living is a reduction in the reality of living, for as we dissociate from our experience, we lose our conscious connection with that experience. Avoidance and denial of how we are feeling by not acknowledging feeling gets old after a while, so guided by the same motive to avoid responsibility, we seek to feel again, not by simply choosing to respond within in such manner as to feel differently, but my manipulating our outer circumstances instead.

Releasing judgment of feeling, across the board, restores our capacity to feel - all that we feel. The payoff is that now we have access to the feelings arising out of our core of authenticity – the heart center. We can learn to discern the difference between feelings arising out of deluded thinking and feelings that occur in direct response to understanding emanating out of our core. Taking responsibility for choosing where it is that we focus our attention in the moment empowers us to learn how to center our awareness in the heart rather than the head. Guided by the heart, our inner experience becomes more authentic. Circumstances around us no longer serve to reinforce the disconnected sense of self. We participate in outer life, engaging where we feel it best to involve ourselves. Heart guided involvement simply substantiates that core identity because we are choosing to reinforce a deepening awareness of that identity rather than that of the mind generated old sense of self. We find that the painful edge of feeling is lent to it by the activity of judgment itself; we had believed and feared some feeling experiences as unbearable. We had denied those experiences and suppressed/repressed the energy of them away within the energy of our bodies. Now buoyed by the restoring strength of the authenticating Self, we find we are able to process through that back log of feeling, releasing it and letting it go. Life-force once used to hold judged energy of experience at bay within, is now freed up to propel us into increasingly authentic feeling experience, no longer repressing, but rather rushing out to embrace. We expand; we feel our energy outpouring into the life around us, reconnected in our awareness and seeking to rejoin us into all that is. We are guided to open our hearts only to those life-forms that share the same motive and intention for unconditional love and compassionate experience – restructured boundaries that protect our hearts from hurtful energies. We discover what the ancient sages meant when they spoke of the exquisite, in contemplation of the flower. We discover how to engage with some of the simplest life-forms around us in such a way as to know ourselves as part of the very universe of life. This ‘knowing’ pervades our awareness, restoring and deepening us into the experience of Truth and forging within us a resolve to lovingly seek that Truth in every challenging corner of our lives – the power of choice restored and restoring us into itself.

To experience more of the life surrounding and pervading all that you are, see these images and sharings:

http://www.redbubble.com/people/milesmoody/art/4117727-3-winter-wonder

http://www.redbubble.com/people/milesmoody/art/4142436-1-beauty-in-flow

©Miles A Moody LivingEarth-HeartHealing.com

Author's Bio: 

Miles is a Mentor of the Cosmosis Academy of the Insight Foundation: http://theinsightfoundation.org.au/ as well as a Life-Coach Intern of the Global Coaching Academy: http://cosmosis.net.au/. The Mentoring Process teaches the student to create lasting personal and spiritual growth through processes of transmutation that alchemically allow the student to clear unwanted emotional baggage, limiting thinking, dysfunctional patterns, and wounded/imbalanced states of being and to replace them with Love, self esteem, confidence, self assurance, compassion and wisdom.

Miles presently co-facilitates an experiential class in personal and planetary healing thru discourse and meditation each Sunday. Please email Miles with questions or interest in participation in this free service.

Visit http://www.redbubble.com/people/milesmoody to become acquainted with the experience of reconnection with spirit life in nature through wildlife and nature photography and storytelling.

Miles is a featured writer for the New Age Tribune: http://newagetribune.com/ an on-line publication providing insightful information for the spiritual seeker wishing to more deeply embrace their path of Self Realization.

His published work, “Cliff Birds: A Story of Hope” is an endearing fable built upon the archetype of ‘The Hero’s Journey,’ describing the process of spirit transformation and actualization of the authentic self.

Miles received his doctorate degree in 1983 from the College of Veterinary Medicine at Mississippi State University. He has worked since then in North Carolina as a companion animal veterinarian. Miles is married to Lynne since 1988 and has two lovely children, Brennen (15) and Anneliese (13). He is an enthusiastic participant in the spiritual school of life here on planet Earth.

Please feel free to email Miles with any insights or questions that this article brings up for you. Discussion is welcomed as always. He can be reached at: milesmoody@earthlink.net