Anger is a normal emotional reaction to our frustrations in everyday world. It is natural to feel angry when a goal is blocked in some way. But anger isn't just one emotion, is a family of emotions that are related to our brains and show in our behavior. Anger has a variety of names from mild irritation to frustration: from anger to rage.

Even when anger is a normal reaction, uncontrolled anger is a serious problem that has been related to domestic abuse, marital conflicts and family fights. Scientific studies show that one-third of couples studied presented at least one incident of domestic violence during the course of their marriage.

Anger related incidents have also long lasting consequences, taking a lot of time and effort to heal, if ever. This is why is so important to learn to express this anger in a controlled manner, allowing us to resolve the issues while protecting the relationship with our loved ones.

Why Anger is such a strong feeling?

The anger feelings are caused by the present situation, but based on previous experiences you have had in the past—even if you don't remember them. The current situation is telling your brain to activate “old anger” in its attempt to protect you even though the original danger is no longer present. This explains why small incidents may trigger completely disproportionate outbursts, which scare anyone with its intensity!

What is Anger Management?

Managing those feelings requires identifying and mastering the specific thoughts and actions that trigger anger reactions in your brain, and being able to use these skills on a daily basis, as to modify your behavior.
Anger management is NOT about never getting angry—that would be an impossible and ridiculous goal, because angry feelings are "hard-wired" in our brain and probably serve a protective and survival function.

Rather, anger management is about learning how to regulate and express those natural angry feelings in a way that makes you a more effective human being. Well managed anger will also help you with better relationships, better health, less stress and more occupational success.

What can be done to manage unbalanced angry feelings?
Start looking into anger outburst incidents in your past life, and try to spot the issues that triggered such strong feelings at that moment. Look for older stories that repeatedly came back into those incidents. See the patterns: are you always reacting to perceived put downs? Or perceived controlling behavior by others? See the interaction: someone controls somebody, and watch your reactions: you see that as an intolerable, damaging situation. Now, make a list of all the controlling, dominant people in your life, and remember your own reactions: anger, grief, resistance, rebellion.

Now recall those incidents of old pain, and see them from your present, adult standpoint. Nobody can dominate you anymore; even better, now you know how to defuse such a situation in a positive way. It’s enough for you to say: “Many thanks, but that is only your opinion; I prefer to do things in my own way…” and walk away!

If you regain your own personal power to define precisely what is what you want to do, and how to do it in order to be able to walk away, much of the old anger dissipates. You are now the owner of your own power. When you are meditating, this is the best time to tell yourself that what is past humiliation can’t hurt you anymore. And now you can mentally forgive anyone involved in that incident, including your old self, for being immature and weak once upon a time.

Now you are ready to take a new look into your redefined and more powerful present situation, and keep old stories safely neutralized in the memory vault.

You can have more ideas and coaching suggestions to improve your emotional life from Please, let us help by bringing to you the best coaching advice to grow and enjoy your own life!

Author's Bio: 

Coach Nora is a bilingual mentor, advisor and life coach with wide experience in helping people recover from nasty conflicts, either in the work place or in relationships. She can be reached at