***Trusting Myself

I’m in the midst of a moral dilemma. We’re leaving for Africa in two weeks and I’ve had a recurring, nagging thought from the very first time I entertained the idea of going to Africa. I’ve resisted a lifelong longing to go to Africa. I’ve wanted to see the wildlife, but more than that, I’ve wanted to get to know Africans, especially Africans living in villages. I want to see how people live a simpler life than I do. For years, Jim and I have sent money to East African partnership projects through Global Partners for Development (www.gpfd.org), and it’s knowledge I’ve gained from contributing through them that exacerbates my moral dilemma.

You see, I know that the price of this trip would provide many needed services for the African people. At the same time, I hear from everyone I’ve talked to who has taken this trip that I will be changed in Africa. Hmmm. Which is more important, my life being changed or providing clean water for hundreds of people, giving them better health and freeing them from daily, hours-long walks where lions roam? Which is more important, providing the materials needed for sustainable income or providing life-changing experiences for two people from Berkeley, California?
I’ve avoided going on one of these trips for years, and only agreed to go last summer when one of the leaders who has created scholarships for girls asked me to co-lead a project for girls who are finishing school and returning to their community to begin life as an adult. Here was an opportunity to give rather than gawk. And yet, the dilemma still nags me. I wonder, even at this late date, if the exchange is equitable. Will my life be changed enough to warrant spending so much money?

I don’t feel the exchange of value has to be exactly reciprocal. In other words, if being in Africa makes me a different person (and I assume “different” means better) I don’t necessarily have to apply the better me to East Africa. I am a citizen of the world and any way I can be a better person makes the world a better place.

Since my plans have continued to evolve, even after the unrest in Kenya, it looks like I trust myself in making this decision. Basically, I feel this is the right thing to do and I am trusting my instinct that the better me and my leadership with the girls will offset the money we will use for our trip. I am sorry we have had to cancel one of our workshops and are spending our entire trip in Tanzania rather than risk the turmoil in Kenya. Hearing of the hundreds of displaced people one of our partners is working with makes this an even more poignant question. Surely, you’ll hear more about this when we return in mid-February. In the meanwhile, hold well-being for all people in your hearts.

© 2008, Jacqueline Hale