With the divorce rate looming over our society, there’s a lot of pressure and fear about how to keep a relationship vibrant and filled with love. Here’s a way to keep that sparkle of love alive or to reignite a sparkle that might currently be at a low fizzle.

It’s often said that it takes work to make a relationship last. Through many years of studying, writing, and speaking about relationship issues I have learned that most couples don’t quite know what that “work” is supposed to be. Mostly, they assume it isn’t fun. So instead of thinking of it as work, I prefer to think of it as Love Play. Love Play is all about staying consciously aware of and focused on the quality of your relationship. The work part is keeping it at the top of the list of what’s important to you.

When you’re first falling in love, you’re hyper-aware of the object of your affections, and you’re so focused that you can’t think of anything else, even when you try. It’s fireworks, roller coasters, and can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other pretty much all the time. You’re feeling more alive than you ever thought possible. Inspired, you become a couple and settle in. Then, all too often, the fireworks become an occasional sparkler, the roller coaster becomes “It’s A Small World,” and the hands are more often holding up a newspaper. Ugh! Now that’s what I call work.

So what can you do to turn things around, or, if you haven’t gotten to that stage yet and things are still bright and shiny, how can you avoid the inevitable sinking of the ship? That’s where Love Play Technology comes in. This technology will help you shift your focus and awareness back to each other, back to being playful, back to how it was when you were falling in love. Love Play Technology is really simple because I’ve found that if advice isn’t simple, people won’t do what’s required to make real changes in their lives.

Step 1: Recommit

To turn your love into something that really keeps you sparkling, you must first recommit to each other that your relationship is of supreme importance, just as you did at your wedding ceremony. Not married? It doesn’t matter. Either way, you must let each other know that you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep your relationship alive, vibrant, and growing in love.

Recommit as Often as Necessary

Part of this technology is that you recommit however often the two of you agree is necessary for you to put things back on track and to keep your relationship the most important thing in your lives. If you have really let things slide, maybe you need to recommit once a week. Whether it’s at dinner, on a walk, or in bed on a Friday night, you need to tell each other in clear and specific words that you are recommitting to each other and the love that brought you together.

As you develop the habit of expressing your love and commitment to each other, you can make the time span between recommitments greater. Maybe once a month, you light some candles, look each other in the eyes, and recommit. I would not recommend you go any longer than once a month. It’s way too easy to get out of the habit. With the fast-paced lives we lead it’s too easy to forget, and in no time you’ve let the relationship slide down several notches on the list.

Step 2: Prioritize

In step two you must make your relationship with each other your number one priority. One of the primary reasons couples fall out of love is that they just get too busy. They don’t spend enough time together, they don’t think about each other “in that way,” they don’t do all those things that they did when they were first falling in love, and they don’t have fun together. Heck, they don’t even have sex very often.

For this technology to work you must both make a pact that you will put your love at the top of the list. To turn this into a habit, you must actually make it item number one on your list of stuff to do each day. Otherwise, your relationship will turn into one of those faded old movies: it might be pretty good, but it lacks the sparkle, vitality, verve, and bright rainbow colors of life that caused you to fall in love way back when.

Each day, each week, or each month (depending on what you have agreed on together), you’re going to have some ritual of recommitment to each other, and each day, you’re going to put your love at the top of your to-do list. These two steps create the foundation of Love Play.

Step 3: Love

Step three is where the fun comes into the picture. You’re poised to have your first recommitment ritual, and you’re willing to put each other at the top of your to-do list as your number one priority. Now for the fun stuff: putting all this into action with real, tangible, and immediate results. The third step in Love Play Technology is to express your love to each other at least once a day, but in some fun, new, creative way.

You can share your love by appreciating each other, by giving notes, cards, or gifts, by doing a favor, running a bath, or creating some kind of surprise. Be thoughtful and attentive, and your Love Play will become an easy, enjoyable, daily habit. If your reaction is that this seems silly, think back. Was it silly when you were falling in love? No—it was fun, wasn’t it?


The recommitment is a reminder that this is really important to you, prioritizing is so you will make it a daily event, and giving each other a little lovin’ every day is the fun part, the part that will put the rainbow colors, the sparkle, and the play back into your daily lives.

You probably have some “I love you” habits that you share, like the quick “I love you” as you part in the morning. Keep doing them because they’re part of the private rituals you’ve developed to make your relationship uniquely yours. But now add at least one fresh, new way to express your love each day. Make it a game, get creative, be playful, and have fun. You’ll begin to focus on each other like when you fell in love way back when.
If you incorporate Love Play Technology into your daily lives, your relationship will be more fun, filled with bright rainbow colors, and definitely number one on your list of priorities.

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways2.html.

Author's Bio: 

Kara Oh is a speaker, workshop leader, and author of Everlasting Love (in which she introduces her Love Play Technology and offers lots of “I love you” ideas), Men Made Easy, Women Made Easy, and hundreds of articles on love, relationships, spirituality, and how to be happier and more fulfilled. You can find out more about Ms. Oh, her books, and her articles on her Web sites, HaveALifetimeOfLove.com, MenMadeEasy.com, HowToMakeAWomanHappy.com, and AliveWithLove.com. You can write to her at P.O. Box 21803, Santa Barbara, CA 93121, USA or at OhKara@AliveWithLove.com.