This is a radical proposition, in the interests of real self-empowerment.

To link how we feel about ourselves and what our real nature is and how we see and experience the world, to how we feel about someone else or how they treat us – whether with love, hate, pity or fear – Is to give away our power.

To then forgive them for our giving away our power to them, is a double giving away of our power.

If we hold the understanding that whatever we take on about ourselves and the world is entirely up to us, then no one can do anything to our sense of our self and the world that we don’t choose to take on, no matter what is actually happening. It has nothing to do with them whatsoever.

It is suggested, that rather than forgive them, we need to apologise to them for holding the idea that they are a bad person, or did bad things to us.

This is true empowerment. It is also a very rigorous place of self-growth practice.

Very bad things may have been done to us when we were children, before we had any way to know about the nature of our true self and real self power, taking away our power, but that doesn’t change the fact that we continue to give our power away if we now forgive them for it.

What is needed, it is suggested, is to understand as completely as possible the real nature of the situation in which we and they were/are in and to become conscious and non-reactive around it. (Metaphorically, we don’t need to forgive the rain for being wet, because we understand that wetness is part of its nature and that what is important is how we relate to that nature.)

To become as aware as possible about what the real dynamics of life are, and what we really are, is the path to self-empowerment and freedom from self-imposed limitation.

From this place, we can then tell the other that we don’t blame them, or hold them responsible for our inner self and that we take on complete responsibility for our own experience of the world. Our own inner being is in charge of our experience of life, nothing and no one else is.

From this place we can actually see our abuser as a fellow-traveller on the journey to real self. There is no higher place of freedom and self-power than this.

As long as we know this in our own beings, we don’t even need to tell them of this, or even apologise to them, other than as a gift of sharing with them.

We need to get to a place in ourselves where it is completely understood that whatever anyone else thinks about us or does to us, is an outcome of their own pain, trauma, lack of self-worth and unmet childhood needs, and that it has got absolutely nothing to do with us.

Only in this way can we be truly free and empowered.

Author's Bio: 

Clive Taylor

Many years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics and psychology, along with ongoing work as a counsellor/psychotherapist is bringing deep understandings about the nature of our psyches.Musician, Author/Illustrator children's books.Related web site: for online access to unique self growth process.