Tackle Temper Tantrums

“My kid always throws tantrums” a mom tells me.

“How does he act?” I ask.

“He stomps his foot and whines about minding.”

“Oh that’s normal kid behavior; not a tantrum.” Then I explain that a true tantrum is a child loosing control with screaming, thrashing on the floor or running out of the room in a fit of rage. Generally speaking, it’s a hissy fit where he’s overwhelmed with strong emotions.

It’s important to distinguish the difference because the response to a tantrum is quite different than one to whining or disobedience.

“How do you prevent tantrums?” is a question I hear from moms across the country.

My prevention tips include:

• Watch for triggers – observe and intercept the situation where your child is becoming agitated. Of course, children need to experience and learn to deal with minor frustration but, when you see that your child is not managing well and the emotions are mounting, try to change the activity or situation.

• Teach the names of emotions – help your child become “emotionally literate” so he can use words rather than his body. Reading books about feelings to your child is an excellent way to introduce these important words and concepts.

“What do I do when my child has a meltdown?” is usually the next issue troubling moms.

I reassure parents that most self-respecting, independent kids are going to spin out of control once in a while. You’re a good mom even on those bad days. However, your response can tackle – or teach – the ugly behavior. My tantrum tackling tips include:

• Ignore negative behavior; no eye contact or interaction with your child. Remember, for most people – including kids – its not fun to “perform” without an audience.

• Model control and calmness. You are your child’s first and most influential teacher. How you act when angry or disappointed sends a powerful behavior lesson to your child.