Supporting a Friend Who is Grieving an Infant Death

A miscarriage or a death of an infant is very sad. And though receiving condolences and support is so significant to the grieving process, most of the time it is difficult to know what not to say at all. Oftentimes, these worries keep people from supporting friends and reaching out to our loved ones who are experiencing this loss. This article is written to help you in supporting a grieving parent. First and foremost, what really helps: 1.) Listen—grieving parents need to talk about their lost hopes and dreams, most especially about their emotions. They need to explore feelings of depression, anger, misery, frustration and loneliness.

Just by being there as a friend to listen to those feelings and not to trying to make the situation better or offering solutions is a real gift. 2.) I’m very sorry--as simple as it may sounds but this sentence conveys and imparts so much. It means you really care and recognize and acknowledge the loss. You also understand that the person you really care about is in deep pain. 3.) Sending a sympathy gift knowing that somebody is caring enough to honor their grieving process support in a time when comfort and support is hard to find. When you receive a sympathy gift that particularly honors the infant loss or miscarriage, it brings enveloping comfort to grieving parents.

4.) What can I do to support and comfort you? Asking this question lets the grieving parents to specifically ask for what they need. They might need assistance with caring for their other children; they may also need help in funeral arrangements or simply making telephone calls. The parents may also want you to recall their child’s birthday with them. Asking this question is offering your care and friendship for the specific needs of the grieving parents. But sometimes, in our effort to try to make a person feel better, we may say the things that in this kind of situation don’t help.

You have to let your friend know and understand that your intention was to offer support and sympathy and if some of your comments were offensive, you’re sorry. A simple apology can go a long way to let your grieving friend know how much you care. Try not saying these: 1.) At least—any sentences that have at least in them; at least you did not have to undergo labor, at least she did not suffer…These statements may imply to look at the bright side. But to the grieving parent there is no bright side to this situation. Only tragic loss and death.

2.) You could still have another baby. Hopefully, the grieving parents would have this opportunity when they will be ready. But for now, they have to focus on their loss and their grief and no other child will ever replace the child who died. 3.) Statements with ‘should’--you should move on, you should go on a vacation; you should concentrate on the healthy children you still have. The grieving parents would need to choose how to handle the grief process and it is at this time that they’re still in survival mode. Hence, thinking about what should be done may only add to the sadness.