A Collection Of Assorted Attitudes

It is possible that barbers hear more answers to the question, “How are you?” than just about anyone. Some of the answers are funny, but all of them hold a certain fascination for me. Although I am genuinely interested in people, I’ve made a hobby of asking folks how they’re doing and then collecting their answers. Here are few samples from my collection.

“I can’t complain.”
It sounds as if the person is determined to suffer silently, but would like to be persuaded to break his silence.

“Not too bad.”
I’m always tempted to ask, “Well, how bad are you?”

“I’m tired.”
This is most often heard from young people working in fast food restaurants. It makes me wonder if they are tired at 16, what will they be at 60?

“Not bad under the circumstances.”
I wonder what he’s doing under there in the first place.

“Don’t ask.”
It’s too late – I already have. But something tells me it was a mistake because I’m about to get an “organ recital.”

“I’m here.”
This always reminds me of the story about the man who found a hippie in his closet. When asked what he was doing in there, the hippie replied, “Like man, you gotta be somewhere.”

“So far so good.”
This brings to mind the fellow who fell out of the 10-story building. On his way down, he’d say at every floor: “So far, so good.” However, I don’t think most people who make this statement are so optimistic.

“I’m fine, thank you very much.”
Here is a person who not only brightens your day but also shows you how to have class.

“I’m fantastic.”
This person must be counting his or her blessings. Maybe he subscribes to the “think and thank” theory. When we consider all the suffering, sickness, poverty, oppression, heartache and pain in the world, maybe most of us are fantastic most of the time.

BARBER-OSOPHY: Before answering the question “How are you?” give some thought to how thankful you are.

Copyright, 1997 Terry L. Sumerlin

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