So often when you have lost a loved one it seems impossible to keep spiritual principles intact, even if you felt you had a firm grip on them before your loved one passed on. Many experience feelings of anger, depression, guilt, sadness, regret, among many other individual feelings based on your own unique sense of loss. You have heard many times before that these feelings are all part of the normal grieving process, and while you know this is true, the knowledge of it may not make you feel any better. Sometimes this process seems to go on forever, or just when you think you're doing better, something comes out of the blue and catches you off guard, making you feel as if you are back at the beginning of it all. It seems that after the initial loss, when so many were (or perhaps were not) around offering their support, suddenly you find yourself alone, as if you're being told, OK, now it's time to move on. You want to cry, but instead smile, until you are alone, as everything reminds you of "them". This makes it difficult to reach out when you need to, because many feel ashamed they are still having difficulties and needing support. Whether the person you have lost was taken unexpectedly, or it was a death we thought we were "ready for", you find out you are never ready for the loss of someone special, whatever the circumstance. Your life changes, you miss them, you want them back, and nothing seems to change these feelings.

Even if because of your spiritual principles, you think they are still among us, or doing well in the hereafter, you may berate yourself for not being able to find comfort in this. You may also admonish yourself inwardly because now, on top of everything else, you feel a sense of shame, that if you "really spiritually believed" you would not be having these feelings. So now you feel guilt at possibly have a lacking of faith as well.

Many people become angry at God for taking their loved one, "before their time", again causing a perceived separation from God who for many, has been a foundation. People feel so helpless to know what to do you for you, so often times they withdraw. In many ways, the loss of a loved can begin to feel like you have lost even more, the support of your family, friends, and a separation from whatever your spiritual faith has been.
Many of these feelings are based on wondering if you did enough, or too much in some cases, if they are doing OK, what really happens to them when they pass on. Do they see you now, do they know how much you love them, how much you miss them, were they in pain, the questions seem endless. You want to have faith so you tell yourself that what you think you have believed all of your life is true, that they "live on" in heaven or some similar "good" place, and are still watching over you. But still you doubt, you want to KNOW. One of the biggest "catches" to spirituality is that it is based on believing. But it is a different kind of belief, not a belief in something we have learned or have been told, it is an inner knowing, our souls memory of what really is. And sometimes when you are out of balance, it is hard to remember what your soul truly knows. This is why sometimes even after grief counseling we still have the same feelings and questions, because often times it does not deal with the spiritual side of life. It does not answer questions, but seems to only be asking more questions, questions about your feelings, questions about your reality, so you feel it has fallen short of really allying your fears and giving you the real answers you're seeking. Often times you may seek the advice of your clergy, and again find that the "answers" are so generalized, and not specific to your loved one, (which is what you guilty feel focused on) that again, you find it fails to give you the real peace you are seeking.

So what do you do when you feel hopeless, and your feelings seem to go on forever? When all of the talking, crying, love, praying, time, and counseling does not make you feel any better?

There are several principles that can help you, ultimately there is a way to know what has become of your loved one. I am going to bring up a subject that may be unknown to you, or may make a few of you uncomfortable, but please, give me the benefit of the doubt, and read on with an open mind. A Reading with a Psychic Medium, someone who can communicate with "The Other Side", often times can be a very powerful experience on your journey of healing. Someone who can ask your loved one the questions you have had, and can finally give the answers you have been seeking, someone who can tell you that your loved one is well, and convey to you what your loved one has been witness to from The Other Side. Someone who can convey your loved ones message that it is ok to move on with-out guilt, that moving on does not mean you don't love them; you don't have to prove your love through your grief. It helps many people cope with the grief of losing a loved one by sharing their beloveds messages and affirmations with them. These have literally changed their lives in multiple, positive ways. Knowing that our loved ones are not only happy and well, but are also still with us, sharing both our joys and sorrows, that they are watching over us, and are able to share what they have observed in our lives, empowers us to move forward with the knowledge that we truly are not alone. Often times we have unfinished business with our loved ones; Things we wonder about, or something we were never able to hear or say before their passing. Being able to have closure in these areas, allows us to gain peace of mind and focus on the loving aspects of our relationship with them. Sometimes, people also need the validation that they too have felt spirit presence and have been receiving messages on their own. Medium Readings also help those seeking personal validation of what is on The Other Side, as part of their spiritual growth and understanding.

Is this the answer for everyone, no, everyone has their own needs, thoughts, and paths. But for a great many people, this is one piece of the healing process that helps them remember and know that their loved one is still with them, which can help get them past the spiraling thought processes that seem to keep them stuck. Many bereavement groups have found this type of spiritual healing through credible Psychic Mediums, to be the "missing link" for many of the bereaved.

Are all Mediums credible, no, as with anyone or anything, not everything is perfect. You should do your research, there are many good Mediums besides the notorious ones you may have seen on TV, Mediums who are not booked for years in advance as the very popular ones are. Pray to God, your angels, loved one, or whoever, for direction, to trust your inner knowing as you search for the Medium you feel the most comfortable with. Look for someone who has good testimonials from others they have read for, someone who makes you feel comfortable. Figure out what personal qualities you relate to, ie. are they down to earth, can they help you on your spiritual path, man or woman, older or younger, whatever it is that you think will be a good fit, and keep that in mind, while remaining flexible to being particularly "struck" by someone as you search. Only begin this journey once you have had time to go through the "normal" grieving process, and feel that you are ready. A reputable Medium will be there for you in the future if you need them, but will encourage you to move on and allow yourself to feel your loved one near without their help, and not keep you tied to them and future consultations, through dependency. It Is Very important that you find a Medium that you feel has a good understanding, and compassion for the grieving process. One that you can tell takes their responsibility to the bereaved and the impact they can have on you, Very seriously.

Is a Medium Reading a substitute for the normal grieving process and/or counseling, no.
It can certainly be used in conjunction with, prior to, or after grief counseling, but not instead of, unless if after a Reading you find that it has helped you immensely, as it has many people.

Don't we all have the ability to do this, no, not everyone. I do believe that each of us has many special gifts of a spiritual nature, but as with human skills, they vary greatly. You do have special gifts, is this among them, only you can find out. A good Medium can and should help you to tune into your spiritual awareness as well, if you desire. I would like to tell you that everyone can do this, but I don't like to put that pressure on people if you personally are not able to. It's like saying can anyone be a musician? Well with enough time, patience and dedication perhaps anyone can, but will everyone, no.

The principles I will talk about below, can be applied prior to, and after a healing reading with a Medium, as they go hand and hand, working in conjunction with each-other.
Begin healing with the following principles, they may seem overly simplistic, or very difficult.

First, let yourself feel your feelings, go through your process as an individual, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to cry, to talk, to ask for help, to feel everything authentically, stop worrying what other people will say or think about you.

Go ahead, and talk to your loved one, or write them letters, you can still communicate with them, and they do still hear you, they are with you. Besides the fact you may find that it really helps you to get your feelings out.

Put personal items of theirs, pictures or any other reminders of them out, where you can see them and feel them near. Conversely, if this seems to cause you discomfort, put them away. There will come a time, when you are able to either put them away, or put them back out, that you will not feel such raw pain associated with these items.

Go anywhere you feel comforted, to your church, counselor, the grave site, or your home, and know, really know, that wherever you are, so are they.

Sit and be still; meditate, pray but give yourself the quiet opportunity to feel and sense your beloveds presence with you still; allow yourself to feel peaceful.

Allow yourself to move on and feel happy, do not think that you have to be miserable to prove your love, they know you love them, and want only for you to be happy.

Ultimately, allow yourself to need what you need, feel what you feel, and move through the process at your own pace, and in your own way. Know that what may help one person, may not help you.
Whatever you choose, whether it be a counselor, clergy, Medium, all, or otherwise, follow your own path. Give yourself the comfort of KNOWING that there is Light Beyond the Veil. Your loved ones are there, and are eager to communicate with you, to help you live in the peace they want for you.

© Copyright Aliya Nicholaisen, Light Beyond The Veil.

Author's Bio: 

Aliya is a Psychic Medium, living in Colorado with her husband, son & many pets. She enjoys the outdoors, kids, bike riding, nature, animals, spirituality, music, laughing, ethnic dining, photography, watercolor painting, alternative healing, antiques, gardening, writing poetry, reading, art, & trying new things with her family.

For more information on Aliya's spiritual services & your healing journey, please visit