How to Recover from Relationship

Missteps and Slip Ups

The restaurant was one of the best in town, the food terrific and the corner table that James requested was private and charming. A perfect evening until Alysha caught James eyeing a few attractive women as they walked in, and, in less than a nano second, Alysha was pounding her fist on the table in outrage. She jabbed her finger in James' face and gave him an ultimatum: "Either I'm the only woman you look at tht way or we're through."

James was speechless. He was falling in love with Alysha. That night he was planning to invite her to spend a long weekend with him at a nearby resort. Now everything was ruined. They finished their meal in silence.

Three days have passed, and they have not spoken. Alysha feels like an embarrassed idiot. What can she do to recover?

1. Rehearse in your mind these words: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt or upset you." Do NOT use the word "but."

2. Ask yourself: "Just what was going on in me that day? The day, week or month before?' Think about key conversations or events that upset you or "got to" you. Think about key anniversary dates such as birthdays, deaths or major break ups and divorces.

3. Re-create in your mind how you felt or acted the day of the incident. Have you felt that way before? When?

4. If the specific date is not crucial, is the particular type of incident important to you? Why?

5. Now link all the items above. What are you learning about yourself?

For example, Alysha realized that the day before marked the tenth year her father left her mother. Alysha's mother never remarried or found love. All men were "dogs" to Alysha's mother. When James's head turned to look at other women, it set off an emotional fire-storm in Alysha.

What are your potential emotional fire-storms?

6. Hopefully, now that you understand a bit more about your issues and emotional runaway trains, it's time to issue a Product Recall.

Send via email or snail mail an Official Product Recall about your behavior. You might write something like this:

The (your name) Company is issuing a product recall regarding (your name's) behavior on (the date.) At that time, (your name) was experiencing (list your feeling reactions) because (list your personal issues). The result is that the very fine product of (your name) was not up to our usual standards. Please accept our apologies. We need your help in maintaining our standards of excellence.

7. Expect this type of incident to resurface from time to time. Now set your goal to avoid over-reacting.

8. Use this Product Recall format for other issues such as arguments.

Keep trying, keep maturing!

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Author's Bio: 

LeslieBeth Wish is a Psychologist, Clinical Social Worker and author who is nationally recognized for her contributions to women, love, relationships, family, career, workplace, and organizations.

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