Sleeping with a Friend - Should I?

Sleeping with a friend seems like something that would be so easy, effortless. You would think that because this guy is your friend that it will have a positive outcome. First of all, you need to ask yourself, why you allowed it to happen? Did you want it to happen? Were you drunk and you regret it now? Or maybe you actually like this guy and were hoping that this was the open door you have been waiting for so that possibly you can be in a serious relationship with this guy? If you happened to just be thinking about doing this, and have not done it yet, please read on! You might think twice before taking that leap!

One very important thing you need to keep in mind here is that men and women are VERY different when it comes to sex. For men, it is just something that feels good and the woman in most cases, is someone that they just would like to "conquer!" When the sex is over, both parties will have very different feelings and very different expectations. Regardless of how this situation came to be or how attractive you do or do not find this man to be, you will definitely feel some sort of emotional attachment to this man after you have sex with him!

Maybe it will take more than one time for it to happen, but it will happen! Men on the other hand, they don't develop the same sort of emotional ties that we do. I think maybe it is just how we have been programmed!

Unless this guy has been madly in love with you for some time now, don't expect him to want to have a relationship with you! It isn't going to happen! In many ways, men are like animals. I am in no way belittling them at all. It is just their physiology, the way they were created to be. It really isn't their fault! You have just become another notch on their bedpost, another number on their list! I know it sounds cruel and cold, but it is the hard true reality of the matter. If you are in love with a guy who is only a friend, please don't think that sex will make him want to date you, it won't. It quite possibly will have the opposite effect than what you were hoping for. Like I mentioned above, unless he has been in love with you for some time, chances are the outcome will not be positive for you. If you are the kind of woman who can just sleep with someone and not feel attached afterwards, then this does not apply to you. Unfortunately, most of us women aren't created this way! After it is done, you will be thinking about what great things you two will do together and he is thinking about who else can he get to drop their pants now? It can be quite painful and it can also ruin a great friendship!

Now, if you have already slept with a friend and have experienced what I have mentioned above, there is still hope. I mean, there is hope to repair the friendship, but you really don't want to keep sleeping with this person if the outcome was not positive for you. I have actually lived this! My words come from experience, real life experience! After all was said and done, my friend became distant. And when we were out together in a group, he paid very little attention to me. Before we slept together, he was always complimenting me and praising me! He even use to make jokes about "when we get married!" That was before the sex. It all changes afterwards. In addition to our fun together being halted, he stopped calling, stopped answering my calls! I felt wretched about the whole thing! The real kicker is that I wasn't even that attracted to him in the first place! We just got along so well that I thought I would give a relationship a try, and what better way to kick off a relationship than to sleep with the guy? WRONG! It really changes everything, and not for the better!

If you are really committed to repairing the friendship, it is possible. You have to stop trying though. Stop calling, stop spending time together. In other words, vanish into thin air! After a few months have passed, and he has not heard from you, it won't be up front in his mind anymore and slowly he will mentally put you back into the "friend category." One thing to be careful of though, is once back in the friend category where he is treating you with respect again, he will try to have sex with you again! Don't start to think to yourself, "Oh, this must be it, the real thing, he really does like me!" NO HE DOESN'T!! Guys just think "sex" all the time. You and I both know how often they touch themselves, right? Women don't even come close to their numbers in that area! They can't help it, it's how they're wired! He may not even mean to hurt you, he just wants what he wants. Men hardly think about consequences. They think about what they want in the here and now. They want what makes them feel good and if you make them feel good, they want you! Please be warned though, it is a temporary desire that will immediately dissipate upon gratification! Don't make the same mistake twice. Especially if he has shown you his true colors after the first time you two had hooked up, and they weren't pretty. There is still hope for your friendship, but please don't sleep with this guy again!

by Melanie Joy Vertalino