Shifting Unhealthy Patterns

Have you ever felt as though you are living the same experience over and over again, getting the same results time and time again? This is fine if the experience and results are positive and wonderful, but when they are not so pleasant, such as re-experiencing the same over-stretched workload, financial debt, relationship breakdowns and other lifestyle catastrophes that many of us seemed doomed to repeat, it can feel frustrating and hopeless.

The good news is that these are just patterns we’ve been unconsciously creating and we can just as easily create new patterns. All it takes is becoming conscious; bringing our awareness to the patterns in our lives. Once we’ve done that, we make new choices. On the surface it may seem simple. Trade in the spouse, get a new job, set stronger boundaries, move to another country where my family can’t find me, and so on. But where it requires a bit of due diligence is looking underneath the patterns to see what is motivating us to go down that road in the first place. For if we don’t dig a little deeper into our patterns, we will quickly be re-routed down the same familiar terrain and end up at our wits end again.

Within our patterns are underlying needs longing to be met, values hoping to be expressed, and beliefs directing the show. Each one of these has a pattern of its own just waiting to be explored. Are you up for the adventure? Imagine the new paths you will create as a result.

Here are some reflective exercises to gain insights:

Reflect over the areas of your life where you’ve felt satisfied, fulfilled, happy or successful. How did you create these results – do you see any patterns? What motivated you in this direction? What needs were you meeting? What values were you expressing? What did you believe about yourself, others and the world?

Reflect over the areas of your life where you are not satisfied or happy and explore your underlying motives, payoffs, needs you were trying to meet, values you may have ignored, as well as any limiting beliefs you’ve held in this area of your life.

What would it take to shift the unhealthy patterns in your life? What would you have to let go of, accept, or do differently?

Make a list of your current needs; those things that have to be met in order for you to feel free to move forward in life. These may include safety, approval, quiet, order, love, attention and so on. Brainstorm ways to meet these needs in healthy constructive ways so you don’t end up creating unhealthy patterns in order to meet them. Many of these may involve meeting them yourself so you don’t give up your power to others.

Make a list of your current values; the way you like to live life, express yourself, find fulfillment. These may include things such as creativity, ease, discovery, adventure, pleasure, connection and so on. Explore how you can include your values in your work, relationships, recreation, finances and any other areas where you make important decisions.

Take a pen and paper and draw two patterns in your life: a positive, successful pattern and an unhealthy or negative pattern. Write down all of the factors that contributed to your successful pattern and then explore ways to apply these to your unhealthy pattern so you can shift its direction.