***Responsibility - What it is and what it's not

A client of mine, let’s call her Susan, called last week and was very excited! She was absolutely jubilant! I asked her what happened that she was so thrilled about. Her response was surprising at first. But, the Universe does work in miraculous ways. You'll see how as you read this story.

What was her response to what she was so happy about!?!

"My husband forgot my birthday!"

And, yes, she was very happy about this event.

I was taken aback for a moment for this was not the response I was expecting. I asked her to explain how his 'forgetting her birthday' made her so happy.

She responded that very soon after the initial realization, and 'upset', that her husband forgot her birthday she thought about our many conversations about 'responsibility'. So, instead of empowering and listening to her Inner Critic, playing into the drama of the upset she simply asked herself, "What did I do, consciously or unconsciously, to cause this event to happen?" She decided to empower and check in with her Inner Wizard. Yay!

And the answer to that question became crystal clear to her.

She knew that her husband, while wonderful in many ways, was terrible at remembering dates. He'd forget his own birthday if you didn't remind him. So, instead of reminding him ahead of time, Susan simply said nothing to see if he would remember her birthday - knowing that there was a good chance he'd forget the date.

She set herself up for this upset to happen. What was her motivation? After some consideration Susan realized that his forgetting her birthday would validate and empower her Inner Critic. The Inner Critic, after all, loves to be right. Susan’s Inner Critic always minimized her worthiness and ability to be loved. Her husband forgetting her birthday would prove to herself that she was right to think the way she did about herself - that she was not worthy and no man could ever truly love her.

Do you see a Victim in this story?

Yes, the empowered Inner Critic holds you hostage as a Victim to the drama it serves up to ‘be right’.

However, by taking ownership of her responsibility to the forgotten birthday Susan had an epiphany that blew the limiting belief out of her age-old 'story' about herself that ran her life. Once she realized the role she played in the forgotten birthday event, Susan also knew, with certainty, that she [and she alone] manifested the events in her life. If she changed how she thought, her life would change - in dramatic and miraculous ways.

No more Victim!

This realization empowered her and gave her serenity. She felt a major shift within her that gave her the knowing-ness that she was, indeed, worthy and loved. Worthiness and loveable-ness comes from self, first and foremost. Once you value your own worth and love yourself you no longer set yourself up to be invalidated.

(That ‘shift’, btw, is the reconnection with and empowerment of the Inner Wizard.)

Of course Susan’s husband felt terrible about forgetting her birthday and they had a long conversation - one of the best they've had in years. It was open and honest, with both revealing thoughts they've had over the years. They learned more about each other in that conversation than in any other conversation they had during their marriage. It brought them much closer together.

And there will no longer be any forgotten birthdays! The date is clearly marked in the calendar for many years to come.

And so, Susan was very delighted over this 'upsetting' experience. Letting go of the power her Inner Critic held over her was the greatest birthday gift she could have given herself.

So, whenever something 'upsetting' occurs in your life ask yourself the same question: "What did I do, consciously or unconsciously, to cause this event to happen?" Then empower and listen to your Inner Wizard for guidance. You might be amazed at the answer.

Below is the definition of responsibility that I gave to Susan and live my life by. I know it will serve you well. It's not an easy lesson. But once learned, it is powerful and liberating at the same time. You become the Deliberate Creator of your life and circumstance.

You experience life consciously through your Inner Wizard – the alchemist who can turn your dreams into reality!

Definition of Responsibility

Responsibility starts with the willingness to experience your self as cause. It starts with the willingness to have the experience of your self as cause in the matter.

Each individual has substantial or total responsibility for the events and circumstances that befall them in their life. Responsibility starts with the willingness to acknowledge that you are cause in the matter.

It starts with the willingness to deal with a situation from and with the point of view that you are the source of what you are, what you do and what you have. This point of view extends to include even what is done to you and ultimately what another does to another.

Responsibility is not fault, praise, blame, shame or guilt. All these include judgments and evaluations of good and bad, right and wrong, or better and worse. They are not responsibility as they are all beyond a simple acknowledgement that you are cause in your own experience. - W. Erhard