When we think about love, our soul mate, settling down and getting married, and so on, we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. These thoughts condition how we think, and what we expect our relationships to look like. As a woman I know that even though most women, like men, have careers today and are capable of taking care of themselves, they still like to think that a man (Prince Charming) is going to appear and swoop them up onto his white horse, and ride off to Dreamland and live happily ever after. Personally, I have worked all of my life. I never expected a man to take care of me financially. But I sure have always relied on the man in my life to help me with my car repairs, computer problems, downloading or uploading photos from my digital camera, and any other technical gadget difficulties. I suppose I have the intelligence to learn how to change spark plugs or figure out why the Internet doesn’t work on any given day, but I just love leaning on my man for those things that make me want to run out of the room screaming and tearing out my hair!
The above example is only one of many regarding what kinds of beliefs and expectations you may have regarding what a relationship should look like. And too many people think they should be in a relationship, not because they really want one or are ready for one, but because it’s just the thing to do. The pressure to be in a relationship is so automatic at times that we don’t even think about it. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How’s your love life?” If you say you’re not seeing anyone, they all want to fix you up. Your friends all think that you are such a catch, so how can you be single? On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, “Why are you with that loser?” The quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million online dating sites, matchmaking services, books and talk radio shows on the subject. Everywhere you look, there is some reference to finding the love of your life.
But first, I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Do any of these reasons ring true?

- I am lonely.
- All of my friends are in a relationship.
- I can’t afford to go to nice restaurants unless a man invites me.
- I feel like a loser without a man in my life.
- My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married.
- My biological clock is ticking.
- I want to get over my divorce or last relationship.
- I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore.
- I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous.
- I need a beautiful woman on my arm to feel like a man again.

Many times people just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone.

Better Healthy Alone Than Sick Together

Watching the news lately, it seems like every day I see a story about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed by an ex-lover or spouse. Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
That’s why it is very important to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”
If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

- I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
- I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and start a family.
- I have so much to give to the right person.

Into the Present

It is important to learn from our past, but not to live there. I think that everyone of us has made choices that we wish we hadn’t or would have handled differently, and that’s okay. I love this quote: “In the spirit world, there is no time.” Spiritual teacher Stuart Wilde often says, “We have all the time in the world.” Learn from the past, honor the past, but live in the now and delight in what is to come. If you are reading this book, then you clearly are hoping that your soul mate will be showing up soon, but there is no rush. Value yourself and what you have to offer while putting out the right energy in attracting the right partner.
Here are three things you can do to raise your self-esteem and self-worth:

1. Have more compassion for yourself. Know that your past “failures” in relationships are in the past and everyone makes mistakes or has bad judgment at some time or another and learn from those times.
2. Find your personal strengths. Make a list of all of the things that you love about yourself—those things that make you unique and special, such as your sexy long legs, gorgeous shiny hair, six pack abs or killer smile. If there is something that you aren’t so crazy about, be more accepting, or find a way to change it. If you need to lose a few pounds, exercise more. If you hate that mole on your chin, have it removed, or learn to love it!
3. Avoid comparing yourself with others. With all of the images in the media showing us that we should be super skinny and wealthy, sometimes we compare ourselves and feel that we aren’t good enough. Keep in mind that those often air brushed images are just out there to make money and that you are so special. Just enjoy being you!
Taking your time, getting to know yourself, and raising your self esteem will ensure that when you do meet your “Prince Charming” things will fall right into place

Author's Bio: 

Marla’s Bio

Marla Martenson is the hopelessly romantic matchmaker who believes that there is a top for every pot. Marla was born in Tacoma, Washington the “City of Destiny.” A true Gemini and natural born actress, she was “working the room” at the age of three when she was already demonstrating a flair for dialects and drama. At ten she was putting on variety shows for the neighborhood with a belly dance in full costume as the finale. As outgoing as she was, she also spent hours locked in her bedroom reading piles of books and writing poetry and short stories. At sixteen she was living in Iran with her family and attending Tehran American school where she was a cheerleader for the football team, and learning to speak French and Persian. When the revolution started, her family moved back to Washington State where she finished high school and a year of college and then headed for Hollywood. Marla soon found work doing television commercials and print modeling. To help pay the bills and hone her skills to tolerate the intolerable, Marla also did what most L.A. actors do…. She waited tables. In the early nineties she moved to Chicago and lived at the famous Tree Studios. Now back in Los Angeles, she has been working in the professional world of matchmaking since 2001, and she has introduced many couples that have gotten married. For those still looking, her enthusiasm continues to inspire and give people hope that yes you can find your soul mate. Marla found hers, Adolfo, six years ago. They were married in his hometown Mexico City in 2002.