There are fluent speakers and there are great writers, and then there are great communicators. But you already know that. There are people who use all the right words, in all the right order and with all the right passion, but for all their precision, passion and good intent, can not create that "this person is special" feeling; or as Generation Y says it, "OMG! S/he's so cool!

Some "lucky" people are just so cool (and looks got to do with it somewhat, though only to a point). They naturally have that emotional pull that makes them stand out -- and apart. But for the majority of people, it's a struggle trying to differentiate their minds (and hearts) from the rest of the crowd. They may occasionally successfully generate an emotional response but it's usually not enough to make them stand out -- and apart (so cool).

Of course not everyone wants to be "so cool" (or so they tell themselves) but if you're like most of us, there is that deep down desire (often sub-conscious) to leave a mark in this world that says "I was here". And there are so many ways (good and bad) to do that.

One way I am trying to leave my "I was here" mark is what comes close to what is called "emotional branding". To illustrate what this entails, I'll give the example of a traveling African storyteller.

The storyteller sits in the center of the village (boma or manyatta) and says, "I'm going to tell you a story," and the people say, "Right." Next she says, "Not everything in the story is true." They say, "Right." But then the storyteller says, "Not everything in the story is false, either." Again the people say, "Right." She begins to tell the story but a few minutes into the story she pauses, leans towards her audience and artfully whispers, "Not everything in the story is true," and the people conspiringly whisper back, "Not everything in the story is false, either." Other times she stands up and shouts out loud "Not everything in the story is true". The audience responds to her in kind "Not everything in the story is false, either."

She creates an "emotionally brand" that when she is mentioned or thought about - the warm fuzzies that all of us hope we evoke in others come flooding in "this person is special" real time emotion.

How does she do it?

By pausing every now and then to allow her audience to think for themselves and beyond themselves ("What is true?" and "What is false?"), she makes the audience part of the story, co-creators of the art. She artfully creates that sense of "we're equals and we're in this together-- as one" and her audience responds positively. Her story becomes "our story". But more importantly, by seeking out the marriage of sensation/feeling, reason, and intuition she brings the story to life -- to the present, to the NOW. It's no longer some story of two thousand years ago, but an experience -- shared in real time.

This is a deep contrast to the commonly practiced style of communication many of us are used to and many of us use . And I am not just talking about words, rather the "I'll tell you/you listen to me" mindset that is heavy on "you vs. me"; "my word/belief/ideas/philosophy vs. your word/belief/ideas/philosophy"; or "my way vs. your way" and rather flat on "we", "our" and "us" .

Unlike the story teller in the centre of the village, this communication style has no intention of "bringing together" but rather "imposing upon". For most people it's their "default" communication style because they think and believe "others" are stupid, lazy, weak or evil. Becoming "us" with such people is unimaginable. No, forget imaginable -- it's simply impossible. They know better, and it's their "duty and responsibility" to think for those stupid, lazy, weak or evil people (I tell you/you listen to me).
And sure enough you may get a few people to listen (mostly people just like you), but overall you'll hardly be remembered as having added anything to the story of an evolving harmonious humanity (called "we"). And when you are mentioned, it's like you were never really there or were there like bad wind. You passed by, but you never left a positive "I was here" mark.

If you're a great talker or good writer, you may be remembered for your speaking or writing skills (and may be for your good looks), but that lasts just for a little while because there was nothing really "special" about you. You didn't positively move minds to think for themselves and beyond themselves -- and you certainly didn't move hearts. Your story never became "our story".

What I've learned in trying to leave a positive "I was here" mark in this world is that people will think for themselves when you stop doing it for them. And if you can communicate to someone in away that they feel special enough to think for themselves, make their own decisions and choices, and creatively contribute (their own way) to the story of an evolving harmonious humanity (we), to that person you become "OMG! You're So Cool!

I am not a fluent speaker (I do the umm, umm, ah, ah, ah... a lot) or great writer (I get all my verbs and whatever else mixed up) but I am okay with that because that's not what I want to be. I just want to be a good "our story" teller. Just may be some day when I am gone, someone will read my work and think "Oh-My-God! She's So Cool!

Author's Bio: 

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Dating Confidence/Relationships Coach who has devoted her life to the blending of indispensable age-old wisdom with modern realities into a prescription for passion, vitality, balance and effortlessness. Her thought-provoking message of conscious intentionality offers singles new, realistic and stimulating insights to rediscovering the mysteries and eternal beauty of men - women sexual relationships.

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