What is holding you back

What is it you want and desire?
-A better life
-To have greater prosperity
-A better job
-A new car
-A bigger house
-To lose weight
-A new relationship
-More money
-An overseas trip
-To send the kids to University
-To create more success

These and many other outcomes are thought about, dreamt about and pursued on a regular basis in many different areas of daily life. The pursuit of our dreams, thoughts and goals, our desire to achieve more, to continue to grow is dependent upon a variety of skills, attributes and abilities.

The pursuit of our own individually prescribed success can and will be an ongoing and demanding journey. Our pursuit of this success will see us have to overcome many different obstacles presented in a variety of ways and usually at the most inconvenient times.

Some of these obstacles and challenges will be thrown our way by other people and some by the different and diverse situations that we encounter. For us to overcome these challenges and obstacles we need to possess an unquestionable commitment and persistence as well as a long-term motivation towards the completion of these goals and outcomes.

So how do we get ourselves to overcome these obstacles and challenges and maintain the motivation needed to reach our chosen outcomes? Perhaps in the preparatory stage it comes from our ability to recognise the things that maybe holding us back.

Before we get into the outlining some of these areas that could be holding us back, let’s look at the area of motivation. Many times we look at ways to keep our motivational needs at an all time high as we go after our outcomes. But are there areas that we can identify that perhaps are stifling our motivation?

Are there areas, situations and interactions that are causing us to become demotivated? How aware are we of these things and the problems that cause this demotivation?

Take the time to analyse the following ideas and other areas you can think of, and ask yourself do these add or detract from my motivational needs.

-The people you associate with
-The environment you work in
-The way you talk to yourself
-The things you do on a regular basis
-The amount of time you spend doing these things
-The attitude you take on certain issues
-The type of work you do
-The way you spend your spare time
-Your personal standards
-How you look upon yourself

It is vitally important to be able to identify whether situations in our daily life are adding or detracting to
our motivation. But what about other areas in our life are they holding us back from not only attempting, but also eventually succeeding in the pursuits of our goals and dreams.

Here are a few that you may recognise, but please after reading this article take the time to try and identify other areas that maybe holding you back from being the person or living the life you desire.

Where you are currently at:
I know it sounds weird, that where you are currently at might be one reason why you are not reaching where it is you should be. But for you to get to where you want to go, you must first see the necessity to do so. If where you are currently at is not that bad, then it will be just that little bit harder too find the reasons why you should make the changes necessary to get you to where you want to be.

As we have said before, change only comes from necessity, the more we can identify the reasons why we should change, regardless of where we are currently at, the more we will be prepared to pursue these reasons and the benefits of change.

Fear of change:
Why do we fear change? Simply put we are creatures of habit and we usually do many things we do, simply because it is easy and comfortable to continue to lead our lives in this manner. The fear of change is greatly enhanced because of the unknown factor of what the change will bring. We are happier to accept where we are at, rather than face the fear of change and the unknown.

To help overcome this fear, take your time in the process of change. It is far better to move slowly in the cycle of change than to rush into it, become scared and revert to your old ways.

You will find it increasingly easier to accept change if you continually identify and receive the benefits associated with the change.

Fear of failure:
This without a doubt is one of the biggest motivators in everyday life. It so common in life, business, sport and
education. It is also one of the major causes of us failing to reach our true potential.

First we get excited about the outcome; we start to look at what it is going to take to reach our goal or outcome. Then we start to doubt that we can attain it. We then start to gradually increase our fear of failing as we correspondingly question our skills and abilities to reach our goal.

To decrease this fear of failure first establish the desired outcome and then create the process to achieve it. We should then break the process down into smaller more achievable goals. It is at this time you start to see that you do possess the skills and abilities to attain these smaller process goals.

As this happens we will also see an increase in our self-confidence. As our confidence begins to raise so does our preparedness to continue to move forward. Now, our confidence is growing, we have a desire to move forward, we have a commitment towards our process. It is at this time our motivation has moved from fear of failure to that of a desire for success.

You are in a comfort zone:
To a certain degree all of us are in a comfort zone of one form or another. Sometimes we are there as it is easier, or because it is more convenient, and also because it is safe or perhaps we don't want to know what exists outside of the comfort zone.

For us to get out of our comfort zone the first thing we need to do is be honest in our summation of the situation. By that I mean do we really see how we are and what we do. Because if we are in a comfort zone and it is holding us back, then it is critical that we are able to identify that we are in a comfort zone. The second issue is to make the changes necessary to get out of the comfort zone so that we can start moving forward.

Lack of vision:
For any number of reasons we unfortunately at times get so caught up in the present, we forget to look at the future. It so often said 'to live in the moment,' and I agree as long as the present is moving us towards the future. For continued growth and success we need to be able to see the next level, the new way and to understand what is needed to get there. It is better to take smaller continuous time to create our vision than to take one large piece of time and energy and then to start pursuing it.

With taking regular check ups it allows us to see things the way they really are. It allows us better opportunities to make minor adjustments to the process that we have created to attain our goals and outcomes. It allows us the opportunity to adjust to rethink to recreate and to continually move forward in a committed and motivated manner as we realise what we are doing is the right way to pursue the correct targets.

The right person in the wrong place or vice versa: Is the environment, the people around you, the goals of the
team, the direction they are taking all of this, is it right for you? This doesn't mean all these things are wrong or bad. It just means that you need to look at all of this and ask yourself the question once again. Is this team helping me or hindering me in the pursuit of my ultimate outcome.

In making this decision there are few rules that you need to take into consideration. One is not to get personalities mixed up with abilities. The second rule is don't make a decision based on what is easiest. Make the decision on what is going to get you to where it is you want to go. Although this team got you to where you are. Does it contain the ingredients to get you and it to the next level? Does the present team have the commitment, motivation and desire to go to the next level?

Your attitude:
What type of attitude do you have? Is it the right attitude to get you to where it is you want to go? Does your attitude stand strong when needed? Is your attitude that of an optimist, a realist or a pessimist. What things influence your attitude? Can you control those influences and at the same time control your attitude?

Your circle of influence:
Who are the people around you, what is the environment you operate in, what type of lifestyle do you lead? What are the things in your life that influence the decisions you make, the things you do and the things you say and think?

These are questions that will need to be asked and answered. It does not necessarily mean that these areas of your life are purposely holding you back, but it is true that they can either have a positive or a negative effect. Obviously for you we want them to have a positive effect. Then take the time to explore all of the influences that exist in your life. Once you have identified these influences then go through them one at a time and ask: 'Do these help or hinder my progress and why?' Once you have this information you will certainly be able to use these influences in a more advantageous manner.

Lack of skill:
When we are trying to create the process for forward growth, one of the key areas for us to identify, is: 'what are the skills we have and what are the skills we might need?' The most important thing to remember with developing skills is that whatever we require is available and the ability to learn these skills is dependant upon our preparedness to search and find the ways we can learn, understand and implement these new skills.

The skills we require are written about it many different ways and in multitude of books, magazines and articles. There are courses we can attend in school, college, and adult learning centres, and correspondence courses. There are people that already have these skills. Search them out and make contact. Learn from their experience, their successes and from their failures. Our ability to learn these skills is only restricted by our imagination and preparedness to find and learn them.

Tired and worn out:
I believe that one of the most important principals of development and growth is that is that you just cannot keep going and going and going and continue to operate at an increasingly higher level. If we are to continue to grow, we need periods of rest and relaxation. These periods need to be on a short-term regular basis as well as a long-term basis.

The short term might be our daily lunch hour, or that exercise class we take to start the day, or an afternoon walk just to reflect and rethink what has happened and what tomorrow might bring. The long-term basis is to take a regular break a couple of days every few months, and our annual holidays.

Although sometimes these breaks are not convenient they are necessary. Like you, I know people that tell me they do not have the time, they are too busy, they don't need a break they are strong and tough enough to continue without a rest.

But how much better are we after a break? Our thinking is better and more creative, our patience is better, and our ability to read and understand what is going on around us is greatly improved. All of these reasons and many more should lead us to make sure we schedule in our periods of rest, relaxation and regrowth.

Spending too much time in the past:
How often do we hear ourself saying: 'Remember when?' Or 'When we worked at such and such we did it this way.' The past as good as it was is the past; it is no sense trying to continue to live in it as life goes on. Does the past have useful benefits? Most definitely.

Use the past to help shape the future. Don't let the past be the future.

But don't just use the past in the form it was used before. Look at it, rediscover it, reunderstand it, and then
create ways to upgrade and update it. Take the lessons from the past and reconfigure them to a newer and improved level and then those are the ideas that you can put in place to create the future.

No balance in your life:
Our greatest desire in life should be to achieve in all areas of it. If we have a life that is really only chasing one single direction or outcome there is a distinct possibility that we will soon grow tired of this individual pursuit.

I believe true success is multi-dimensional. That is, you must be pursuing success in a variety of areas within your life. Health, business, personal growth, sport, family, education both formal and informal and the area relationships. The pursuit of success in different areas of your life brings balance and balance is the true foundation to a successful existence.

Now in saying that, I do not mean you have so many things going at once that you do not have the time or opportunity to ever get ahead in anything. Have balance, have enjoyment, but not at the expense of significant productivity.

A false sense of reality:
Are we really seeing things the way they are? Or are we seeing things the way we want them to be? Or are we seeing things in a worse way than they really are?

It is often said "perception is reality." So if we perceive things a certain way this usually means we react and respond to what we perceive. So we must be certain what we perceive is the way it really is.

Have people around you that keep you in check. They keep you on the straight and narrow, but they do not hold you back. The type of people that let you dream your dreams, but they do what is necessary to help you make those dreams a reality.

Inability to take on constructive criticism:
One of the keys to growth and ultimate success is first to admit that we do not know it all. The more we are prepared to listen to what others have to say, the more we learn and the more we learn about ourself.

Constructive criticism although at times is hard to take; it can provide wonderful insight to who we are, what we do and how we do it. I have always said that having 'yes' people around you will hold you back more, that it will help you grow.

Don't become the whipping person for all, but be wise enough to take on the advice given from others who you know, understand and respect and use this advice as stepping stone to continue to grow.

The environment you operate in:
Is everything that that surrounds you helping you achieve or is it stifling your progress?

Do the people you associate with provide the support, the motivation and the commitment needed for you to reach your goals?

Do you find the areas you operate in, motivating and stimulating?

Is there support, advice, teaching and direction coming from the environment you are in?

Is there an understanding of all involved in the environment that everyone has a role to play in maintaining and supporting the directions, the philosophies, the commitment and the discipline of all those involved?

Can it be clearly identified in which ways the environment you are in has been responsible, in certain ways for the success that has been previously achieved?

Ineffective self-management:
The most common response to the question; "Why are you not getting done what you need to?" is "I just don't seem to have enough time in a day!" Sound familiar?

The bottom line here is self-management. If you want to go forward in your personal, professional or sporting life, then you will need to be in control of all the areas involved ourselves included.

Understanding the difference between wants and needs, knowing and implementing the difference between important and urgent, having the ability and strength to say 'no' when it is required. These are just some of the skills necessary for effective self management.

As simple as they seem, there importance cannot be underestimated. If we are in control of ourselves, then we have some chance of controlling the things that go on around us. But if we cannot control ourself, then we will have next to no chance of controlling anything else that surrounds us.

Lack of self-confidence:
Fear and doubt are the two most common reasons why our visions, dreams and goals are never achieved. Many times it is not lack of competence, skill or understanding that holds back our desired success. It is our lack of confidence that stifles our development and envisaged success.

Gaining self-confidence and self-esteem can come about from many situations and activities. Basically confidence comes from demonstrated ability. Moreover, those abilities can and should be as wide and diverse as our imagination allows. When we restrict the opportunities to demonstrate our abilities, there is also a corresponding restriction in opportunity to develop our confidence and self-esteem. I believe opportunity is the key to developing confidence. Opportunity allows us to develop skills and understanding. And with the development of skills and understanding comes the development of our confidence.

We often see the tendency to have confidence as pre requisite to pursue an outcome. Having confidence in the unknown is sometimes if not all a very difficult thing to do. Our confidence will usually not be there if we have never attempted this project, or we do not know what the future will bring. So therefore, if we continue to look upon confidence as the lead in to the pursuit of our intended outcomes and confidence is not present, then how many things that we could have accomplished, get left behind due to the absence of confidence?

As I stated earlier, confidence comes from demonstrated ability. The pursuit of success or of a desired outcome should not be dependant on having confidence as a forerunner. As we learn a series of skills and as we become more competent, then our confidence and self-esteem will develop and grow along with our skills.

The key to success is to have the understanding that as you learn or understand the skill or gain increased competency, the more the confidence will rise. The greater the amount of confidence being developed, the more accepting we become of exposing ourselves to new thinking, to trying different things, to getting ourselves out of our comfort zone. Nevertheless, this will never happen if we sit and wait to get the confidence before we even begin to pursue the project or desired outcome.

Lack of commitment:
Commitment is spoken about in so many ways and associated with a multitude of tasks that we regularly undertake or are associated with. We must have commitment to this, commitment to that. Of course we all realise without commitment the chances of us achieving anything that we are pursuing is greatly reduced.

But what type of commitment do we really need? From where I stand, there is only one type of commitment that we need, and that is the 'commitment of daily action.' We need to be able do something each and everyday towards the completion and attainment of our set targets.

Now the secret to the 'commitment of daily action' is truth. That's it 'truth.' You have to be able to be honest with yourself. Commitment to daily action requires us to do something towards the completion of our goals each and everyday. This action can be in many different ways, thought, action, planning, communication and strategy. The idea is that some of these take on physical action; others take on the action of thought.

All forms of action are critical in us attaining our goals, so one is not necessarily more important than the other. But our 'commitment to daily action' requires us to do a little of one each and everyday.

A sense of discipline
There is always a price to pay for success. The higher the level of success we pursue, the greater the price.

Unfortunately the pursuit of success is not like a lot of other things in life. With the pursuit of success, it is
money up front you will need to pay the price in advance.

The price comes in many shapes and forms. But the one area that most people struggle with is the area of discipline. The area that demands you to hold yourself accountable to do the things that need to be done when they need to be done in the manner that they need to be done by.

Sometimes this discipline comes in the form of sacrifice, sometimes it comes in the form of the commitment required. Other times it comes in the form of us helping others that we do not necessarily like.

So from where you are now, how much more discipline will you need to get you to the next level?

Your Goals
The most important key to effective goals setting is that your goals can be anything and everything you want them to be. They can be a simple as you want or as complex as you need but the bottom line is they must mean something to you.

Are you sure the goals you are pursuing are what you really want? Are you sure? Because you need to be. If you are pursuing things that you are not really sure you want, then you will not really chase them with a great passion and commitment.

Your goals need to be strong enough to call you to action. They need to be strong enough for you to get excited and motivated when you think of them. Your goals can come from your dreams and your thoughts, but they must be capable of turning these dreams and thoughts into action and ultimately, into reality.

Your goals must have enough significance in your mind to get you through the trial and tribulations you will encounter along the way.

Your goals must compliment each other and be a reflection of standards, character and values.

Your health and well being:
I was going to say fitness, but as fitness can be viewed in many different ways, and then we should just look at health and well being.

If our health is good and we are looking after ourself, then our chance of success is greatly enhanced. If we are eating the right type of food, taking the time to do some form of exercise, constantly stimulating our thoughts and emotions in a positive way and generally looking out for ourself then we will feel good about who we are and what we do.

The health and well being has many spin offs, one of which is that it has a very positive effect on our confidence and self esteem.

I don’t believe you have to go overboard by running countless miles, being in the pool everyday, hitting the gym every other night. It is just do what you can when you can to take the time to look after ourself.

There are obviously numerous topics, subjects, ideas and principles that go into making a better 'us'. The following is not meant to be an exhaustive list but a sample of the types of concepts that make us what and who we are. If by going through these. I would hope that it will prompt you to continue the search of you and to look at further ways and topics to uncover, pursue and understand. This will allow you a clearer picture of you, who you are, what you are about and what you stand for.

Character
Character is an area that many people believe just happens. It is a result of your upbringing, the experiences we have had in our life, the things we have seen, the people we have met. To a certain degree they are right, but in another way they are completely wrong.

All of these influences, if we just let them fall into play, don’t help us become the person we desire. They just allow us to make the decision to accept what comes our way and that is it. Character comes from our decision to be certain type of person. It is a result of hundreds of decisions we are faced with daily. These decisions are made based on our character, but at the same time, go into help develop our character.

Character is developed as you respond to certain things that we experience in life. Character is developed as we respond to people and situations in a certain way. Character is created and developed as we look upon the integration of certain qualities into our life. Character is something that we must be prepared to go through the good times and the bad to develop and understand.

The thing about developing character is that as you work towards being the person you want to be you will develop and refine the qualities that are the foundation of your character. Like success, the development of character is a journey not a destination.

Standards
You can only receive that which you are happy to accept. If you have desire to be a better person, then look for 'better' in everything you come into contact with.

Learn not to accept things as they are, but have a preparedness to make it all that it can be and at the same time do the same for you. If we accept second best, we will become second best. And in saying 'second best' I am not saying this in relation to others; I am saying it in relation to us.

If we accept things at certain level, then others will see this and they will present to us at this level. If our standards are high, then it will show others they should approach and deal with us at this level. Now in saying this, I am not talking about ego and situations where people have to address us on bended knee. But what I am saying is that if we maintain our standards at this level and we demand that from ourself, and we treat others at this higher level it is only fair that others should deal with us at the same level or standard.

Values
What are the things we stand for in life? What are the things we value? What are the areas that are true representation of who we are and what we stand for?

Have you ever taken the time to really think about this? What are the areas that are important to me? Why not take 15 mins to write them down, so that you can clearly see what they are. The thing is that your values are your values. They do not need to be compared to anyone else’s. They are an integral part of making you the person you are or the person you want to be.

Let’s just outline a few:
-Integrity
-Honesty
-Loyalty
-Responsibility
-Independence
-Discipline
-Commitment
-Desire
-Understanding
-Persistence
-Happiness

There are many more values that are present in our lives. Please take the time to write out your list so that you can see what is there and the ones that are missing and maybe holding you back from being the person you want to be.

As I said in the introduction these are only a sample of the areas that go into us being the person that we are or want to be. There are others like ethics, morals and philosophies.

These are further areas that you should look at as they relate to you and your life. Yes I know it sounds like a lot of work and it probably is, but it all comes down to how important it is for you and the people around you for you to become the best that you can be?