I get a lot of “beginner” questions from men about dating, relationships, sex and “the game” in general. Actually, that’s a very good thing! It shows that guys are really trying to learn what it takes to become better players – and ultimately better partners for the women we love.

So, how do you get started learning all of this stuff? After all, your father probably didn’t sit you down and say, “Son, when you see a cute girl you want to get to know, here’s how you approach her…” In fact, if you got any advice from dear old dad, it was probably, “Don’t get your girlfriend pregnant!”

So, if dad hasn’t been helping, what about friends? Maybe they can help, but more likely, they’re also clueless about all of this, or worse, they are misinformed and can do a lot to harm – rather than help – you!

Ok, family and friends might not be able to help, so how do you learn all of this then? Another way is trial and error, but frankly, who wants to go through that much pain? You need to realize that the women you’re interested in are likely much better at all of this than you are. They’ve spent their entire lives learning every aspect through countless books, magazines, movie and TV programs. Would you step into the ring with Mike Tyson without having been to the gym in 10 years? Probably not. I wouldn’t suggest that you rush out without some foundation to meet the woman of your dreams either.

The best answer is to clear your mind of preconceived ideas and start with a fresh canvas. Here are 5 things to do to start learning the game right now:

1) Don’t assume you know it all.

Why does this have to be a game at all? Simple: humans are complex creatures that constantly battle between logic and emotion. We’ve evolved an equally complex set of “courtship rituals”; many of which are the same among all cultures! However, you aren’t going to know these rituals simply because you’re human.

Get educated and stop making the same mistakes over and over again. If you’re afraid to approach women, learn how to do it right and actually practice it so that the fear fades away. This isn’t rocket-science and nobody is going to die or get maimed because you approached some woman. Yes, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Learn correctly how the game is played – and play it.

2) Seek out help, get advice, and listen to it.

You have a wealth of resources at hand – all you have to do is bring your own container. But, if (as just mentioned) your container is already full of the wrong information, or you get it filled with the wrong information, you’re no better off than you are right now.

Be careful whom you learn from! There are some great teachers available to you and some not-so-great ones. Use real testimonials from real people – not marketing literature – to help guide you to the right teachers.

3) Put your “best self” forward.

How many times have you hear, “Just be yourself and you’ll find someone”? Probably many times. However, if that were true, you’d already have women all over you.

In fact this type of advice; while well-meaning, is just wrong. Likewise, believing that someone out there should just fall in love with you just the way you are is equally wrong! I’ve heard both men and women say, “I just want someone to love me for me!” In other words, they don’t want to have to work on themselves at all or to give to anyone else, and think that they should just be loved by people.

Ultimately, this is very selfish reasoning! Nobody is going to just give you everything you want just because you’re you. On the other hand, if you can give someone what they want, they might be willing to give you want you want – and need – too!

This is all about putting your best self forward. Presenting yourself not only in the best light, but finding out what the women you’re attracted to want – and then simply being that man; your “best self”.

4) Avoid advice from women.

This is odd advice! Most men believe that women give them “good” advice when it comes to playing the game. After all, as I’ve said before, they are experts at it, right?

Here’s what I’ve learned: many women will purposefully mislead men, give generic or “feel good” advice and even down-right lie rather than helping a brother out!

Why would they do this?

I’ve asked this of many women and there is something of a “sisterhood” that believes you shouldn’t have any advantage with women! Most women feel that relationships are the bastion of women and that women should hold all the cards. I’ve even seen this happen with sisters, aunts and even mothers!

Do yourself a favor: if you want a good, clear understanding of women, get it from men that are success with women – not from women themselves. This isn’t to say that all women will mislead you, but frankly, how will you know which ones to trust and which to avoid?

5) Integrate things you learn into your own personality, don’t just try to do things by rote.

Use your own uniqueness to craft your personal style. Some things work well for some people. For others they fail miserably. This is most often because they aren’t designed for that person’s style or personality type.

How are you going to know what works and what doesn’t? First, rely on advice from experts you trust, then take what they give you and slowly adjust your own personality to fit. Don’t just change because someone said it was a good idea!

What you’re doing is actually crafting your own successful system. As you begin to apply it, learn what works and what doesn’t and where something doesn’t work, change it or discard it for something that does.

This is a life-long process, but there’s never a better time to get started than right now.

Best regards…

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com.