Hi

I was wondering if you could give me some feedback on this situation I find myself in. I’m a 30 year old guy with 2 children, both under 10. I have been with my wife twelve years. She cheated on me when we first got together (I was 19) with an ex-boyfriend. We already had a 1-year-old child by that time, so I forgave her.

She always wanted to go out and party with her friends as she was also only 19. I said no but she ignored me and would go out anyway. I finally left for two weeks but she wanted to talk and asked me to come back (actually, she threaten me with killing herself) so I agreed only to find out that she had slept with someone else while I was gone. This took a few years to finally calm down.

After that she didn’t go out again until about 2 years ago when I went to university and thought we had built up trust again. She would go out with her friends from work, while I would sit at home with the children worrying. She would often come home and blatantly state how men were dancing with her and how they had kissed her but it meant nothing and excused it away as her just being flirty. She said loved me and would never jeopardize the marriage.

Over Christmas she went out with a friend to a local pub and told me the day after that she had slept with someone and that she didn’t know why. All she could say was you were to busy with your work, but she wanted to sort it out. We have been arguing about it up until last week when she says that she wants a fresh start and asked me to leave.

I saw my kids last Sunday and she was very cold. Monday I received a text message saying she was seeing a guy I knew from the local pub and moved him into our house. I went and tried to talk to her and was told to go away in no uncertain terms. This guy has moved in 3 days after me leaving!

I was just wandering what’s going on here? Any insight could help greatly.

Hello!

Here's what's going on: you're a pussy. You allow any damn thing your cheating, abusive wife wants and now she finally got totally fed up with it and has decided to move on with her life. Only NOW are you asking for advice?

After 11 years of this what do you expect? You let her go out on her own, partying, dancing, cavorting and having any tryst she wants to have with any guy that is in the same 100 meters of her. She cheats and then throws it in your face because she knows you'll just take it. You constantly take her back and when she doesn't seem like she wants that, you beg.

What kind of example do you think you're setting for your children? Yes, she is too, but she didn't write to me - you did.

I know that you didn't expect me to have me pound on you, but frankly, nobody else has, and that's exactly what you need right now. Your wife has been asking (begging, really) for you to stand up and be the man in the house; to take control, tell her and the family how things are going to be and to stop just putting up with it. What have you done? You've given in to everything and anything she wants and now you're surprised that she has found some new guy (that she hopes will be the man you haven't been) and has replaced you both in your own house and in the eyes of your children.

My brother, you're headed straight for a divorce. The UK isn't any kinder to fathers than the US is, and you'd better see this coming right now. What you do over the next few days is going to be the deciding factor here. I strongly urge you to seek a good divorce lawyer right now - don't be blindsided by this - be proactive instead. (Don’t be surprised if empties the bank accounts next.) Then, talk to your attorney and plan to file. Right now, you have some clothes and she has EVERYTHING ELSE. The court isn't likely to make her give you any of it, nor are they going to insure you even get to see the kids, so you need to fight for what is yours.

For once in your married life, please get some backbone and handle this! If you don't, she's going to handle it for you and you're not going to come out even - trust me on this!

Best regards...

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com.