You and she are a couple and have been dating for awhile. You’ve fallen into a pattern that seems comfortable and even safe. Sure, you fight once in a while, but you have fun too.

The only problem is that you’re bored and you’re wondering what else you’re missing out there.

It’s easy to fall into dating someone out of habit, especially when you consider what you have to do in order to meet someone new. You have to meet someone, learn about them, go through all the courting rituals, handle problems, spend time, money and emotional energy and rebuild a new habit.

Do you and she have the same goals? Do you both enjoy the same activities? Are you sexually compatible? There are a thousand and one considerations with each new person you meet!

The end of the year is a good time to start reconsidering your goals and direction. You might create “New Year’s resolutions”, but I suggest you build goals instead. Resolutions tend to be vague. For instance; “I’m finally going to lose that 30 pounds, and have the hernia fixed.” It doesn’t mention when you’re going to do these things.

Goals on the other hand are very specific and have a timeframe for their accomplishment. By looking at your goals before New Year’s day, you’re pro-actively crafting next year to fit your needs, not simply hoping for something better.

So, how do you decide if she’s just a habit?

First, sit down and think about what you want in your relationship life. What are you looking for and how will you feel, think, act and be when you get it? How does that image apply to your current relationship?

If it’s substantially different, you might very well be in a habit with her. This may be a good time to re-evaluate that relationship and consider breaking out to find a new one. You’re going to have to determine if you have the skills you need to do this and again, the first of the year is a great time to begin the work of gaining these skills.

The real key to this however is to have clear, written goals of what and whom you’re looking for and to craft this into a plan. Be sure to include a timeframe for this plan too! Otherwise it’s simply a dream and you’ll never get started on accomplishing it.

Best regards…
Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World™" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: Check out the discussion group at:

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series), hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? To learn more, go to