"Yvonne you are a wonderful instrument in helping individuals to move closer to who they are in truth. I applaud you. Thanks for your ongoing assistance in helping to move humanity in this direction". This comment came to me in an email from one of my coaching clients.

Here is another email from one of my clients that said "My life has been as if someone stole my soul from me when I was only 2 years old. I hope that your life has been better." The differences in these 2 attitudes will determine the quality of life for each individual.

One thing to consider is that every time we are angry, disturbed, impatient, judgmental, righteous, or defensive, and every time we see ourselves as different and separate from another, or see ourselves as better than or less than another, we ARE at war. Make sense? The insanity of it is, we ALL do it! Don’t we? I know I used to. In war needless lives are lost and only destruction is the result.

I think a question to ask ourselves is, “How can we see ourselves as united with every other human being, as one with each other and our Creator?” Reason being, I believe we act according to our self-concepts. If we can accomplish this and live from a point of Oneness with our Creator and every other human being, what would there be but love, kindness, and generosity? What would there be except goals that are aligned with the love and joy of who we are in truth? What amount of money is worth the negative stress and unhappiness that I bring to myself for the constant condemnation of another? When our daughter's boy friend was killed in an automobile crash by a drunken driver, what good would it do to take him to court for man slaughter? Our son lost years of University and is permanently scared on his face from the same accident. It took a huge toll on the rest of the family going through the trauma of intensive care and him not being expected to live. Our son and daughter were in 2 separate hospitals and that caused incredible strain on us all. The years to bring about compensation would be less years for us to live. Surely on judgement day God will deliver punishment to those who have not repented if He sees fit. I am not called upon to judge.... judge not that you be not judged.

As humans, our values and perspectives are shaped by the myriad of people, experiences, environments, and events we encounter during our formative years (our youth). We’re all natural “products of our times.” And as such, with very few exceptions, each of us is normal … each of us is RIGHT—regardless of how we may vary from others. In some countries what we condemn is normal, they see us as abnormal.

Certainly, there are times when differing viewpoints are unacceptable. Take, for example, the small handful of people who believe it’s perfectly okay to lie, cheat, steal, and disrespect their way to success . No matter how you cut it, those folks are just plain wrong and their wrong doings cannot be condoned. We have had 10s of thousands of dollars deliberately and deceptively taken from us but we chose not to take the guy to court. Why? The stress this would cause in my life is not worth the amount of money that we could recover.

When I have done my studies to become a life coach, I have found from my own life and in my study that forgiveness for the sins of others against us is the greatest balm of all.

In the book Psycho-cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon or notable success talks about emotional scars being more debilitating than physical scars. These emotional scars are in the mind and cause an attitude which forms our own response to life. Once an emotional scar has formed, there is but one thing to do and that is to remove it by surgery the same as a physical scar. For the most part, being “different” does not make you wrong—it just makes you different. And that’s something all of us need to come to grips with and accept. Forgiveness is the release when it is real and genuine and complete and forgotten. Forgiveness is the scalpel which can remove the pus from old emotional wounds, heal them, and eliminate scar tissue. Forgiveness which is remembered and dwelt upon, re-infects the wound you are attempting to cauterize. We forgive that we may be happy and release the power of the event over us. Therapeutic forgiveness cuts out, eradicates, cancels makes the wrong as if it had never been. Therapeutic forgiveness is like surgery. This type of surgery restores just as it was before the injury.

Therapeutic forgiveness is not difficult. The only difficulty is to secure your own willingness to give up and do without your sense of condemnation - your willingness to cancel out the debt, with no mental reservations. We find it difficult to forgive only because we like our sense of condemnation. We get a perverse and morbid enjoyment out of nursing our wounds. As long as we can condemn another, we can feel superior to him. I know. No one can deny that there is also a perverse sense of satisfaction in feeling sorry for yourself. This self pity... "look at what has happend to me" - "poor me, no body knows the trouble I have seen!" destroys us and our potential to do much on the planet. Surely the Apostle Paul could have called for revenge to those who beat him and left him for dead, but he had a higher calling and this was just part of his life journey.

In the narrative of the woman caught in the very act of adultery, We are told that after the accusers had left Jesus asked where are they who would accuse you? When she answered in the negative, he said, Neither do I condemn thee go and sin no more. You cannot forgive a person unless you have first condemned him. Jesus never condemned the woman in the first place, He recognized her sin or her mistake, but did not feel called upon to hate her for it. He was able to see before the fact, what you and I must see after the fact in practicing forgiveness, that we ourselves err when we hate a person because of his mistakes, or when we condemn him, or when we mentally incur a doubt that the other person must pay before being restored to our good graces, and our emotional acceptance. Dr Maltz says that if you will forgive you will be far happier, healthier and attain more peace of mind.
Not only do we incur emotional wounds from others, most of us inflict them upon ourselves. Remorse, anger, bitterness and regret are attempts to emotionally live in the past. Excessive guilt is an attempt to make right something that we have done in the past or to lay a guilt trip on others. People with emotional scars, grudges, and the like are living in the past and the future will have more of the same unhappiness and bitterness. It is the law of attraction working against us. We get more of what we don't want because the negative consumes us.

Just as your beliefs are appropriate and correct for you, others who don’t share your views have beliefs, mindsets, and attitudes that are equally appropriate and correct … for them. Ignore this fact—label them WRONG—and you’ll self-righteously presume that they need to change (and stubbornly wait for them to do it). But acknowledge - from their concepts, in their minds- that they believe they are as right as you are, in acceptence you’re more likely to pursue more respectful and collaborative ways of working together through which everyone wins.

“No two people are exactly the same. So, if being different was to equal being wrong, EVERYONE would be wrong—including YOU!”—Steve Ventura
"Do you prefer that you be right or happy?"

The Bible says, 'We all fall short of God's ... standard' (Ro 3:23 NLT). The strongest among us struggle with areas of weakness. But by continually wallowing in guilt or attempting to place guilt on another, you're not only punishing yourself, you're allowing others to punish you too, because you think you deserve it. Surrendering your life to Jesus doesn't mean you become sinless. Even Paul, who had 'the desire to do ... good' admits that sometimes he couldn't 'carry it out' (Ro 7:18 NIV).
The good news of the Gospel is that whenever you're 'in Christ ... [you're] not judged guilty', and when you repent and seek forgiveness, for your lack of forgiveness, God's bound to honour His Word. Nothing that any of us does surprises Him. He knows our weakeness, our strengths and our innermost heart. 'We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.' (2 Co 4:7). In Disciplines of the Hungry Heart, Pastor R Paul Stevens writes: 'While our church was worshipping ... as I looked at the people I've come to love, I saw that each was an earthen vessel ... I looked into each mud pot and ... saw exquisite molten gold. Each person frail, vulnerable, and half-fashioned had treasure inside ... each pot was cracked ... and the ... gold was oozing through the cracks. That's how ministry comes into the world, not poured out of expensive vases, but through ... the faults and weaknesses of real people who are being transfigured by Christ.'
Now Satan, 'the accuser of our brethren' (Rev 12:10) will try to make one guilty over sin of which the person has already repented. That's his specialty! But we can defeat his influence in our life by reminding ourself that Jesus paid the price for our sins and those who have sinned against us - past, present and future. This allows us all to get off the guilt train and the accusation train today and begin to 'serve the Lord with gladness' (Ps 100:2). As the Lord's prayer says, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us!

Prisons in Bible times were miserable places, devoid of even the most basic creature comforts. It was in such a place that 'Paul and Silas were ... singing praises to God ... [when] ... a strong earthquake shook the jail ... The doors opened, and the chains fell from all the prisoners' (Acts 16:25-26 CEV). And it can happen for you too. If you want to know the freedom of Christ in the midst of your circumstances, begin to praise God 'in spite of'.
The key to soaring above your circumstances is approaching God on the wings of praise. David said, 'Blessed are the people who know the joyful sound! They walk, O Lord, in the light of your countenance.' Psalm 89:15
When you're down and depressed, there's no incentive for your natural mind to praise God. Naturally, you'd rather wallow in misery and feel sorry for yourself. But that's completely opposite to what you should/could be doing! 'But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.' (Jn 4:23 ). It's not a matter of emotion; it's a matter of faith. It's not something that comes naturally; it's something you choose to do. Regardless of whether you're in the wilderness or the Promised Land, 'rejoice, and sing praises' (Ps 98:4 ). Nehemiah says, 'The joy of the Lord is your strength' (Ne 8:10b). The sacrifice of praise is an act of faith that carries us through our trials and develops Christ-like character.

I stopped judging others when I realized that he that hath no sin may throw the first stone. My goal in life is to be a life enricher... helping others to help themselves. I am a people builder. I have been wronged by many people on many occassions, but I choose to say "Father they know not what they do, please forgive them even as you have forgiven me of my wrongs". In my book that has just been released called "Why Me? Kicking cancer and other life changing stuff" I go into more detail of the forgiveness and release that came to me when I allowed God to really move into my life. You can go to my website. www.myfreedom.net.au

"I am a big believer in the 'mirror test'. All that matters is if you can look in the mirror and honestly tell the person you see there, that you've done your best." John McKay

"The world is a better place because I am in it."-- V. Satir

May God guide you in your journey to find a fufilled and meaningful life. Yvonne Chamberlain

Author's Bio: 

Yvonne Chamberlian is the author of
"Why Me? Kicking Cancer and other life changing stuff". Yvonne is a qualified Lifecoach seminar presenter and personal lifecoach and believes in creating a life of total anundance in all areas of your life; financial, health, marriage, parenting, friendships and spiritual combined with having fun as we walk our journey.