Jealousy - Who’s Got The Problem?

Starting from when we’re little, we are seeking assurance that we “measure up”.

We need to know that we are good enough, acceptable, likeable, clever, attractive so that we can feel worthwhile.

If we don’t get these assurances as we grow up, we are sitting ducks for the green-eyed monster to gobble us up in our relationships down the track.

EVEN IF WE DO HAVE A REASONABLY CONFIDENT VIEW OF OURSELVES, IT CAN BE VIOLENTLY UNDERMINED OR ERODED BY THE INSIDIOUS, VITRIOLIC PHENOMENON CALLED JEALOUSY.

There wouldn’t be too many of us who haven’t been confronted by this horrible experience sometime in our lives.

It can happen anywhere – in relationships, at work, in families, with friends and neighbours you don’t even know.

Jealousy is another word for FEAR.

Fear that, because of someone else, WE ARE SUDDENLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

The CURE (and there is one!) for jealousy is to rebuild your self esteem and self respect.

Yes, I know you’ve heard all this before but, like it or not, until you do this,
JEALOUSY WILL STALK YOU AND RUIN YOUR HAPPINESS EVERY TIME.

I CAN HEAR YOU SAYING THAT IF MY PARTNER OR MY BROTHER/SISTER/FRIEND DIDN’T DO “ABC”,
THEN I WOULDN’T BE JEALOUS.

Sure, I agree that others can wittingly or unwittingly stimulate the green juice to flood our brain with the fear that terrorises and turns us into irrational, angry, needy, tortured wrecks of our usually “normal” selves.

It’s a horrible place to be.

If this is happening to you in your life, you must ADDRESS IT
NOW

Work out what your triggers are.

Do these feelings only surface if you’ve been drinking a little or a lot too much?

Do these feelings only surface when you go to a social function and your partner flirts?

Does it happen when others flirt with your partner?

Are you coming from being traumatized by a previous relationship where your self esteem was trashed?

Do you fear being on your own so that you are over zealously,
over jealously coverting “your PROPERTY” i.e. your partner/spouse?

Can you see yet, that whatever the trigger of your jealousy, YOU let it “take you over” and then you look like “the bad guy.”
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This is the point where

a) You have to recognize what’s happening and

b) Do something about it by realizing your insecurity is playing HAVOC with your life.

I’m not saying that others are doing the “right” thing by you.

In fact, you need to understand that if your partner or someone else is disrespecting the relationship, this in no way reflects on you.

It shows that THEY have little or nor respect for the relationship.
This is its own problem!

So, “IRRESPECTIVE” of what others are doing,
YOU NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING BY YOU.

Get help if you need to so that you can work through your insecurities and rediscover (or find for the first time) YOUR OWN SELF RESPECT.

THIS IS THE KEY TO ANNIHILATING JEALOUSY FROM YOUR LIFE FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS ARE DOING.

If you respect yourself and value and like yourself to an unshakeable, healthy level, then you won’t be upset by the JEALOUSY MONSTER anymore.

You must keep your dignity by firstly respecting yourself.

This means you must have a policy in your life where you REFUSE to allow anyone -
your mother/father, brother/sister, husband/children/boss/friends to use or abuse you in anyway shape or form.

SUGGESTED THERAPY STRATEGIES

The first thing you can do, as, I said earlier, is to start searching your past
to find the instances where your self esteem and self respect were eroded, undermined, or indeed, trashed.

Write and “reshape that incident” to a scenario where you stayed in your own power and “REFUSED” to let that person/s hurt and abuse you.

Do this for each incident you can remember.

Once you have done this on paper, then, do it by VISUALIZING your empowered scene until you are FIRMLY SET in your sense of personal respect, dignity and personal power.

This exercise will help tremendously to restore your shattered sense of personal power and self worth. DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

Then, say the following affirmations day and night to “REINFORCE” you feelings of self respect and rightful personal power.

Understand that you cannot control others, you can only change your own behaviour and to do that in a healthy way, you must always come from a position of self love, self respect and personal security.
Do the affirmations! Do the affirmations!
DO THE AFFIRMATIONS!

Remember this is about YOU and YOUR HAPPINESS and WELLBEING.
If you are a victim of JEALOUSY,

YOU MUST TAKE CONTROL OF YOURSELF AND MAKE THESE CHANGES

NOW!

AFFIRMATIONS ♥

Say these aloud three times morning and night.
I am a good and worthwhile person.

I respect and love myself unconditionally.

I have a friendly personality which draws people to me.

I am talented.

I am intelligent.

I have a sense of humour.

I am very loving.

I am my own best friend. I APPROVE OF MYSELF.

I deserve to be treated with respect at all times.

I have choices.

I am in control of my life.

All I have to do to change my life is change my thinking.

I have the right to say NO!

I deserve the best.

I am beautiful in every way.

I am 100% responsible for myself.

I am not responsible for anyone else.

I deserve to be HAPPY.

I deserve to live a worthwhile and fulfilled life.

I am safe, calm and in control of myself.

(c) 2007 Aileen Smith