You were disrespected. Ignored, again. They outright lied; she betrayed you; he took what wasn’t his to take. Someone crossed your boundaries and drove right over your well-declared intentions.

You got screwed. And that’s a fact.

So-called 'spiritual' responses to anger:
"It’s all meant to be. Everything is in divine order."
"She was doing the best that she could."
"He had a rough childhood, so he’s not fully to blame."
"It’s God’s will."
"I create my reality."
"My ego got in the way."
"I’m no victim."

To forgive is divine. And that’s a fact. But there’s a missing step in this enlightened scenario: anger and reckoning.

Yes, you are implicit in creating your reality. Yes, you attract the crap and the glory that is your life. But you are not responsible for other people’s bad behavior. Period. And once you’re clear about that, you clear the way for the anger to move through and out of you.

Anger gets a bad rap.
Many spiritual teachings and psych methodologies skate over the reality of feelings to get to peace and forgiveness. Forgiveness is an evolutionary imperative, but peace cannot come without lucid recognition of circumstances. When it comes to injury, ignorance is not bliss. If you got hosed, wounded, wrong-done-by, declare it for what it is - whether it's painful, humiliating, or infuriating.

Making excuses for other people's poor conduct can be a very handy way to avoid confrontation and invalidate our own pain. We make them look good to dignify our hurt. And in doing so, we literally depress our own power. And depressing leads to...depression. Ask nine out of ten shrinks and they'll tell you that one sure way to alleviate depression is to get in touch with your rage.

If you want to live in the light you have to call things out of the darkness by their real name. Accountability is a mega-watt light that burns away sickness, heals, and helps new things to grow.

The up side of anger
Anger can be as positive a force as tenderness. Civility and progress depend on it. De-construction precludes acceptance. So break it down into steps. Feel it without judging it. {It's only anger.} Dance with with it. You can dance wild 'n fast, or you can do the slow tango. And inevitably, you will rage and groove your way through the pain. Step by step. Wounded. Accountable to your truth. And free. And that is the divine order of reconciliation.

Author's Bio: 

Danielle LaPorte is the founder of and the lead author of the bestseller, Style Statement: Live By Your Own Design, and co-founder of - which she left in 2008 to go solo. A former think tank exec, she helps social entrepreneurs rock their careers and creativity with her signature Fire Starter Sessions. A speaker and media personality, Danielle has been featured in Elle, The Huffington Post, Vogue Australia, The National Post and Domino. You can reach her at