Are you unhappy or depressed? Do you find yourself complaining about your life? Excellent! The fact that you are discontented and feeling pain are powerful indicators that you are ready to create change in your life. One of the first steps to creating your better life is getting clear on what it is you no longer want to feel or experience.

However, it is also important not to get stuck in the same complaints year after year. If you only grumble or gripe, you will end up feeling frustrated and stuck, unable to make the changes you want to make. It is important to take your discontent one step further and use it as a springboard to help you get clear on what it is you do want. Here's how:

Identify What You Don't Want
Complaints can be the starting point to help you identify your desired outcome in a practical and useful form. Begin by deliberately writing down exactly what you do not want. This step is usually surprisingly easy. Maybe you do not want to feel stressed, depressed, stuck, overweight, or controlled by emotions or food. Let loose and write down everything that you hate or despise about your situation. List your frustrations, your weaknesses, and your angers. Nobody wants to feel emotional pain or spend time with it, but your pain contains important wisdom. It tells you exactly what you want to change about your attitude, behaviors, and choices.

For example, how do you know what type of career you want? Usually, through many job experiences, you begin to identify what works for you and what doesn't. Each experience helps you understand want you want to avoid, your strengths, weaknesses, values, and needs. Each experience illustrates how much money, challenge, or work-to-life balance you require. By knowing exactly what you do not want to feel or have, you also clarify your understanding of what a rewarding career would look like.

The same would be true with weight loss. It isn't until you become unhappy with weight loss that you decide you want to change things. Through many different approaches, you begin to learn what works for you and what doesn't work for you. By listening to your own frustrations, you can fine tune your plan of action and eventually achieve the success you desire.

Clarify What You Do Want
Once you have written down your complaints and frustrations, it is time to take the next step. Now that you have clearly defined what you do not want, you can move your vision from the problem toward the solution. Often, what you want is the other side of what you don't want. It's easy to turn what you don't want around 180 degrees and identify what you do want. For example:

"I don't want to feel stressed" becomes "I want to feel relaxed in my body."

"I don't want to struggle with my weight" becomes "I want a loving partnership with my body and a relaxed relationship with food."

"I don't want to be stuck in this lousy job" becomes "I want a career that allows flexibility, creative expression, and abundance."

Creating a great life is a continuous process. You consciously build a better life because you dare to experience different situations, disappointments, and frustrations, and then learn from those experiences exactly what doesn't feel good to you. It is only when you feel sad, frustrated, or upset that you realize something is wrong. When you know decisively that you do not want to be overweight, feel addicted, stressed, dissatisfied, or unhappy, then you can focus more clearly on what you do want.

Once you understand what you are really after, you start looking for healthier ways to get it. For example, do you want to engage in emotional eating, or do you want to feel calm and in control? Do you want to diet and be thin, or would you rather cultivate confidence, relaxation, and inner peace as you become thin? Do you want to be successful by working hard and long, or would you rather experience abundance by applying inner calm and focus to your work? Knowing what you don't want helps identify what you do want to experience and feel.

Go ahead! Sit down and make a detailed list of all the things you know that you don't want. Then, take the next step. Turn those sentences around, and maybe for the first time ever, see clearly what you do want!

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help you take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, and move beyond depression into an extraordinary life! Annette is the author of Your Highest Potential and has the unique ability to show you how to spark an amazing relationship with your life! Visit
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