Although you're probably familiar with the terms "sex drive" and "libido," how much about your own sexual clock do you understand?

For example, can you list your sexual "need" signs?

How long can you go without sex before it starts to negatively affect you?

Are your needs generally assuaged by "affection" or does it take full intercourse to make you feel satisfied?


Because most people never ask themselves these questions, relationship problems often occur due to misunderstandings regarding the differing sexual needs of the partners. One of the best ways to preempt these common predicaments is to know the sexual needs of your own body and to be able to communicate those needs to your partner in a non-threatening manner.

Why is Sex a "Need"?

The same way your body sends out signals to let you know when you're hungry or thirsty, it also sends out signals to notify you when it's time to have sex - or to engage in some kind of physically intimate contact with another human being. These needs have two biologically-based reasons to exist, though both reasons are heavily debated within the scientific community. 

The first reason is, of course, reproduction. We have a sex drive so that "mating" happens relatively frequently and we can continue the species.

The second reason is a little more complex and has to do with our survival-of-the-fittest need to live in social groups and act cooperatively.

As the theory goes, we are too physically weak as individuals to protect ourselves from the dangers of our environment, and have survived mainly because we stick together. It's the "united we stand, divided we fall" philosophy of biological survival. One of the ways to promote this kind of banding together is by making the act of socializing with other members of our species an enjoyable and rewarding experience. In monkeys this is reflected in the importance of social grooming, and in the case of bonobo monkeys, sex. 

Now I'm not saying you're a monkey, but I am saying that like monkeys, humans have an innate desire to physically connect with others of our kind because it has helped us to survive as a species. That's one of the main reasons we long to be with others - to hold and to be held, to kiss and to be kissed. Rather than just superfluous "wants" these are, in fact, "needs" and should be given the attention they deserve. After all, you eat when you're really really hungry don't you?

What are Your Sexual "Need" Signs?

It's very easy to overlook your body's sexual needs signs since they are often signs of other problems too. The best way to pinpoint which symptoms are yours is to see which ones seem to go away for a while after you've had a satisfying sexual experience - and remember, this kind of experience does not always have to include someone else. (Yes,we can fool our biological needs to a certain extent)!

Some of the Most Common Signs of Sexual Need are:

  • General and Mounting Irritability
  • Overall Feeling of Frustration without Knowing the Cause
  • Feeling Stressed for "no reason"
  • Excessive/Lack of Hunger or Sleep
  • Anger and/or Other Unexplainable Negative Emotions Toward Your Partner
  • Vivid Sexual Dreams that May Lead to Nocturnal Orgasms (Wet Dreams) for both Men AND Women

Basically lack of sex makes people feel disgruntled, to sum it up. Some people even claim that their skin itches, or their everyday thoughts are unusually pervaded by sexual fantasies. What ever your particular signs are, knowing them and recognizing them when they are occurring can be very relieving in and of itself. At least now you'll be able to know why your body feels so tense!

How Long Can You Go Without Sex Before it Starts to Negatively Affect You?

Once you understand your body's "I need sex!" signs, the next thing to make a note of is how long between sexual encounters it takes for you to start feeling icky again. For some people, it's a day. For others, it's every two months.The amount of time varies greatly from one person to the next, and changes frequently depending upon lifestyle factors (pregnancy,menopause, etc.), relationship status (new relationships tend to increase libidos), and health status.

It's this internal sex timer that tends to cause the most problems for couples in long term relationships because one person "needs" sex much more frequently than the other. Often the partner with the shorter sex timer gets rejected again and again which leads to feelings of being unloved, unwanted, and eventually resentment toward their partner. Such issues can be avoided and successfully compromised upon when both partners understand the differences in their underlying sex drives. But in order for this to happen, each partner has to first understand his/her own sexual signs and needs. 

What Does it Take to Satisfy Your Needs? 

The last thing you must consider is what kinds of sexual contacts satisfy your needs. Again, this tends to differ greatly between partners, and especially between men and women. For a lot of women affectionate touches are enough to assuage their sexual desires. Kissing, petting, and manual stimulation are all that may be necessary to make her feel happy again. However, some women don't feel truly satisfied until they've experienced multiple "O"s, so it really depends on the individual.

Men, on the other hand, are usually more "straight forward" in their needs - an orgasm will typically do the trick regardless of how it happens. This is, of course, a huge generalization and some men do feel satisfied with less-than-orgasmic sexual experiences.

Know Your Own Needs First

Once you've figured out what your sexual need signs are, how frequently your body requests sexual contact, and what it takes to satisfy those needs, you are well on your way to being able to talk honestly with your partner about what you expect from your sexual relationship. If you're lucky enough to be with someone who also knows what their particular needs are, then the possibility of you enjoying a sexually fulfilling, long-term relationship increases dramatically! 

Featured Author, Rose Rivera has a Masters degree in Family and Sexuality Studies and is the founder of,a website dedicated to keeping readers abreast of the latest sexuality trends in an intelligent, provocative, and erotic way. For more great sex tips be sure to sign up to Speak Sexy’s feed today!

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