You may be wondering how you can heal your fear of abandonment.

Start by giving yourself a break. This is one of the most universal and painful issues there is. Could I survive alone? Probably not. These intense feelings around abandonment are unconsciously linked to survival abandonment issues. It doesn't get much bigger than this.

Your life's security, stability, nurturance, and predictability began with your family (and theirs began with THEIR families).

To get some perspective, take a loving, objective look at the people in your family. Do you see any unresolved issues they were burdened by?

Now take into account the chaotic world we live in and it makes sense that you have some issues to resolve.

If you are with me so far, GOOD! You have accepted your issues and the situations that created them.

Because fear of abandonment is so painful and is triggered and reinforced over and over again, it is a good idea to begin by releasing trapped stress and emotions.

"The key to healing our wounded souls is
to get clear and honest in our emotional
process. Until we change the distorted,
negative perspectives and reactions to
our human emotions, we cannot get in touch
with the level of emotional energy that is
Truth. We cannot get reconnected to our
Spiritual Self. Fear of Intimacy,

Which negative beliefs support your fear of abandonment?

• I have no support
• People and relationships are exhausting
• I feel invisible
• I have nothing to contribute
• I am defective and unlovable
• I can't trust
• I can't get my needs met
• I am unprotected & cannot find safety
• I am overcome with pain
• I cannot function well
• I feel insecure
• I have painful relationships
• I need approval from others
• I can't do anything right
• I am rejected and betrayed
• I betray myself
• I don't know my own heart
• I cannot handle emotional pain
• I feel anxious and afraid

Pause and take a look at yourself, a compassionate look. See yourself struggling with fear of abandonment and how it affects you, see how it affects your life...your sense of self.

• What is the main problem you are facing?
• Do you see any similarities between your fear of abandonment NOW and in the past when you were with your family?
• Did your parents or caretakers suffer from abandonment issues?
• When you were in school, in community, or in church, did you feel anxious, alone, abandoned?

What are you MOST afraid of?

What happens in your body when you feel fear?

• I'm tense
• I'm too serious
• I stop breathing deeply
• I feel scared
• I worry alot
• I don't play and have fun
• I want to be somewhere else
• I go into my head and judge myself and others
• I feel stupid and unattractive
• I withdraw
• I re-play conversations in my head
• I expect the worse
• People think I'm weird
• I'm afraid I have to be how they want me to be and I get discouraged and/or hostile.

What about the possibility of bonding and feeling safe?

How many of us feel like the odd ball of the family/community? We see life differently, we value different choices, we "walk to the beat of a different drum". This is a tough way to be. How many of us handle this difference without ourselves or in our relationships?

People I do sessions with often feel forced to choose between expressing their unique selves and the values, judgments, and expectations of others.

Here are intention statements from a session with a young, professional opera singer.

"I am a free spirit and I am free to express. I am free to want what I want and free to be who I am. I feel Peace."
"Others see me as true to myself and fully myself."
"I stand up for myself. I say, 'I am a singer and I like being a singer'."

Her family is religious and values traditional roles for women. She fears that her freedom as a performer will prevent marriage as well as acceptance by her family. However, the idea of being a home-maker does not make her sing!

Which statements do you want to resonate with?
...rather than your fear of abandonment?

• I enjoy times of bonding for togetherness and time alone for solitude
• I enjoy being with others even if I am not talking to anyone
• I relax, expand my heart's magnetic field, and make a warm contact with someone
• I accept myself as I am
• I breathe and enjoy life and smile from my heart
• I recognize that others may feel the same discomfort as I do and I reach out to them
• I come from my heart with others
• I feel liked, valued, and respected
• I listen to my heart and to the heart of what others say
• I am radiant
• I let go of my painful past experiences and experiment with new ways to connect
• People enjoy being around me
• I laugh a lot
• I honor each individual's essence and remember we are all one
• I exude confidence. I have courage for relationships.
• I stand in my strength.
• I love eye contact. My eyes sparkle with appreciation.
• I am infinitely curious about everything!
• I drop all judgments (of self and others)
• I warmly connect to Spirit in each person

What are your own words for what you want?

What do you need in order to feel calm and safe?

Scan back in time. What is a specific instance when you suffered from fear of abandonment?

Bring yourself into that moment. Be in the movie of your past and be here, watching the movie. When did you feel nervous and unsafe? ..........Ask yourself...what did you need in order to feel calm and safe?

Whatever you needed...could you use that now? Could having what you needed then be what you need now?

Can you see that what you needed was a good thing? It would be good if we all had that! When you heal, when you embrace your needs, you are healing all of us. You are activating the energy that wasn't there for you, so there can be more of it for all of us.

Are you ready to shift your energy from fear of abandonment to what you want, intend, and need?

Begin with this statement, SAY "I am 100% committed to maintaining a higher state of well-being. I am ready to transform my negative or limiting patterns, right now."

Author's Bio: 

Laura Frisbie, M.Ed. has a private practice in Resonance Repatterning since 2000. She offers telephone sessions "for a lighter way of being" to folks all over the country. She is located in Asheville, NC. See more about her work at This article is reprinted from