As an infidelity expert, one of the most frequent questions people ask me is “What are the top 10 signs of infidelity?” For curious minds, I’ve listed them below.

• working late
• increased concern about wardrobe or personal appearance
• unaccounted for absences
• suspicious phone calls – hang ups, wrong numbers, etc.
• lots of lies or excuses
• stops wearing wedding ring
• starts complaining, arguing or picking fights over trivial things
• decrease in sex life
• lipstick on his collar
• strange numbers on phone bill or on slips of paper
• unusual or unexplained charges on credit card bills

These are the top 10 signs of infidelity. But knowing them won’t help you catch a cheating mate. Seeing these signs is no guarantee that your partner is cheating. Not seeing them is no guarantee that you have a faithful mate.

Look for the subtle signs

The obvious signs of infidelity – the top 10 signs -- are the signs the cheater will usually cover up. So instead, be alert for the subtle signs. These are the signs the cheater doesn’t even realize he’s displaying, so there’s no way he can cover them up. Learn how to spot the subtle signs and you’ll catch the cheater every time.

Signs of infidelity seldom appear in isolation. Where there’s one sign, there are plenty of corroborating signs. Most of them are staring you right in the face, just waiting to be found. It doesn’t require a lot of time, effort, or skill. Knowing what to look for is the key.

The Categories of Infidelity Signs

Drawing on my 12 years of research which includes thousands of interviews, I’ve identified 21 major categories of infidelity signs. They are listed in my book, Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs. Categories include physical appearance, conversational clues, work habits, telephone tip-offs, day-to-day behavior, personality changes, car clues, how he relates to you -- just to name a few. Each category contains 19 to 92 specific telltale signs. For a detailed description of each category and the number of signs it contains, e-mail with “categories of infidelity signs” in the subject line.

How You Can Really Tell

You can’t make an accurate assessment of whether or not your partner is cheating on the basis of 10 or 12 signs of infidelity. You run the risk of making a false accusation. If your partner is REALLY cheating, there will be more than just a sprinkling of telltale signs. You’ll find clusters of signs from several of the 21 categories all at once. The majority of them will be subtle signs. That’s why I stress that knowing what to look for is the key. Once you know what to look for, all you need are your own eyes and ears and your personal knowledge of your mate. The more signs you find, the greater the likelihood that your partner is cheating, or planning to do so very soon.

Information on Signs of Infidelity

Is He Cheating on You – 829 Telltale Signs lists practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. Many consider this 192-page book to be the most comprehensive infidelity reference of its kind. Despite the title, most of the signs of infidelity in Is He Cheating on You? apply to cheating women as well as cheating men. However, by popular request, the e-book version (available from includes a special 10 page section for men entitled Is SHE Cheating?

Save Your Relationship - Know the Signs

Don’t depend on the presence or absence of the top 10 signs of infidelity to tell you whether or not your partner is cheating or on the verge of having an extramarital affair. Familiarize yourself with the early warning signs. Learn to spot not just the top 10 signs of infidelity, but the many subtle signs of a cheating mate. The future of your marriage or relationship may one day depend on your ability to recognize the telltale signs of infidelity in time.

© Copyright 2006 Ruth Houston

Author's Bio: 

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston is the founder of and author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, which documents practically every known sign of infidelity. Ruth has been quoted in the New York Times, Cosmopolitan, MSN Lifestyle, iVillage and numerous other print and online media, and has been a guest on The Today Show, Good Day New York, 1010WINS, BBC, CBC, and over 250 other radio and TV talk shows worldwide. For a free tip sheet on 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Signs Of Infidelity, send an e-mail to with “10 things” in the subject line.