Great Conversation (and Networking) Tip: Think WIN (or rather, W.I.N.)

In my bestselling book A First Serving of Milk & Cookies for Success, I devote a whole chapter to what I call The Know-Zone™—knowing what motivates people to buy, to join, to sign up, to participate. To do anything in fact. The Know-Zone™ is all about Human Motivators.

One of the most important motivators is the Desire to Feel Important. One way to make people at any level feel important is to show them respect. There are many ways to show respect, but one surefire way is to show interest. And you can demonstrate your interest by focusing ALL your attention on the person you’re conversing with. The first rule here is: EYE CONTACT.

If the goal of your conversation is to WIN that person’s trust, WIN his or her friendship, WIN a business deal or an opportunity, WIN them over to your network marketing or MLM business opportunity, then think W.I.N. And W.I.N. in this case is an acronym that stands for WHO’S IMPORTANT NOW …

John Kuypers, a sensational speaker and a friend of mine, has a slightly different version of what the acronym W.I.N. stands for; the title of his popular book is What’s Important Now.

It’s very relevant to the topic at hand because when having a conversation, you must focus on the other person—the WHO—and also on WHAT he or she is sharing with you. For the entire duration of your conversation, the other person should be the center of your universe. Period. I love Jim Rohn’s insistence on “Wherever you are, BE THERE!”

Actually, this is such an important statement and wise recommendation, let’s repeat it to make sure you remember it the next time you’re attending an event and you’re getting ready to ‘work the room’; Wherever you are, BE THERE!

Be there, in the moment, with THAT person. And looking at the person you’re conversing with is the best way to express, “I’m here, with you, right now, because you matter to me and I am truly interested in what you want to share with me!”

This is NOT the time to be planning your grocery list, deciding which movie to rent tonight, or checking out the attractive stranger or the buffet table. This is also not the time to be answering your cell phone and starting a long conversation—the ultimate demonstration of rudeness, in my opinion.

And here’s something else you will refrain from doing if you keep thinking W.I.N.; Talking Me-Me-Me (especially the “mine is bigger than yours” syndrome).

Did you know this? The most common words in spoken English are ‘the’, the 2nd is ‘and’, and the 3rd is ‘I’ (‘you’ only comes in 7th place!).

Here’s what an annoying “Me-Me-Me” talker might say (ever met one of those?): “My cat got fleas, my dog was attacked by bees, my son got all C’s, my daughter won’t eat her peas, my spouse I can’t please, and to top it off, someone moved my cheese...”

Hearing that, here’s what the annoyed listener is thinking: “Okay… but What Is In It For Me?” Translation: Who cares?

What is the number one thing people are interested in? THEMSELVES. We are vitally interested in our own journey through life! That’s natural. And that’s why you must keep in mind at all times that the chief interest of the person you’re speaking with is not you and your concerns.

Whether you’re chatting with someone or making a speech or a presentation, the paramount consideration should be what interests your listener, your audience, your prospect, NOT what interests you. You are NOT W.I.N.—Who’s Important Now!

Here’s one of the best recommendations by Doug Malouf in his fun, informative book Power Up Your People Skills: “Get other people talking about themselves. They’ll go away thinking what a brilliant conversationalist you are.”

And ‘brilliant conversationalists’ are appreciated and popular. They get introduced to people, they get invited to functions, they get invited to sit on boards of directors. Translation: they meet more people, which should lead to doing more business.

Conclusion: want to do MORE business (aka more money)? Don’t speak more… speak LESS!

I wish you ALL the personal and professional success you desire and deserve. (Just remember that…What you “desire” is a function of your ambition, what you “deserve” is a function of your ACTIONS…Are the two aligned?)

BE the very best you can be,
DO all you can possibly do,
GET everything you want to have,
GIVE as much of it as you can give.

Daniel G. St-Jean
Aka The Sparkplug of Personal Development
Author of 7 Simple Keys To Spark Change In Your Life Now!
Co-author of 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life – volume 2