Getting to the Heart of the Matter

Recent findings show that as we get into our fifties and beyond, our happiness tends to increase. There are a number of factors that could contribute to this relationship.

Currently, the field of happiness has grown rapidly with many resources dealing with the subject, particularly the relatively new field of “Positive Psychology,” spearheaded by Martin Seligman.

Those of us in the “Third Age” (forty-five to seventy-five years of age) are re-examining our relationship to religion, spirituality, aging, livelihood, leisure, relationships, well-being and retirement. We are asking ourselves questions like –

1. What does it mean to be happy?
2. What is the source of happiness? Of fulfillment,inner peace,freedom, vitality and power?
3. How is my happiness going to be affected by aging?
4. What role does religion and spirituality play as I age?
5. What is most meaningful for me at this stage of my life?
6. How do I want to use my remaining years?
7. What is my relationship to death?
8. What legacy do I want to leave?

Here are two approaches that have impacted my happiness and well-being over the last thirty years of my life. They have provided a space for me to engage in these questions.

Getting Out of my Head and into My Body

From an early age, I was athletic and enjoyed working out. It always made me feel alive.

When I was thirty-four, I began to run on a regular basis (four to six times per week). I became “addicted” (check out the book, Positive Addiction by William Glasser). Running to me is like breathing. It is an integral part of my life. It is more than physical – it is a meditative and spiritual experience. Running alters my mood and emotional tone.

Through experience, personal development courses, practices and reading, I have come to realize that “thinking,” doesn’t contribute to happiness and well being.

The kind of thinking I am talking about is the automatic thinking (internal chatter or “little voice”) that is going on all the time in our head. I am not talking about “creative thinking.”

When I am “in my body,” it is like being at home for me. I am fully present in the moment – present to my breath, body sensations, feelings, emotions, thoughts and external sensations. Everything is perfect in the moment because that is all that exists, now!

Aside from running, as a way to get “into my body”, I practice Buddhist meditation and yoga. My commitment is to develop my “mindfulness” or ability to notice, without judgment (not an easy thing to integrate); it takes lots of practice.

What I am saying is that an access to happiness is through the body.

Connecting to Like-Minded People

There is an apocryphal story about Mexican crabs. Apparently if you drop a bucket of these crabs on the floor, leave the room for one hour and then come back, the crabs will still be congregating in the same place where you left them. When any crab attempts to leave the group, the other crabs will pull that crab back in.

What contributes to my aliveness is being part of communities that do not have the herd mentality. The conversations are for the most part, developmental – conversations that enrich and empower; conversations that are mostly about the present and future, not the past; conversations that are collaborative and meaningful.

Some of my communities include Shambhala Training, Sivananda Yoga, Vipassana Meditation (Goenke), Landmark Education, Contegrity Program Designs, Coach University, International Coach Federation and BNI (Business Network International). More about these in future articles.

Well, I know many others in my age group who share these two approaches, which has contributed to them being happier, more peaceful, fulfilled and free.

Dr. Fred