Divorce has many undesirable side effects. Whatever you had, you seem to lose. First you lose your spouse’s love and affection. Then you lose respect for one other. Next is the house, the car—even the kids. Sometimes it feels like you could lose your sanity. And, if that’s not enough, you lose your friends. The first losses were expected and didn’t come as a shock, but the friends? It’s the cherry at the top of your sundae of losses. Losing friends is often an unexpected side effect of divorce, which makes it one of the biggest disappointments a person can ever have.

They leave you at your greatest time of need; spurn you for absurd reasons or for no reason at all. They either treat you like a diseased madwoman, frightened that divorce is something infectious that you will spread to them and ruin their perfect, made-in-heaven marriages, or silently fade into the woodwork. Divorce is everywhere, but it could still render a lot of people speechless. Most of them don’t know how to handle another friends’ divorce. Is it a time to celebrate a newfound freedom, or is it time to lament the demise of a marriage? It could be that their own marriages are on the rocks, too and they are secretly hoping that they could have your nerve and end their misery just like you did.

Closely associating with you and your divorce is too threatening, so they would simply shy away from you. Those that you thought you can depend on can no longer relate to your situation and won’t have time anymore to listen to your troubles. Whatever the reason is, most of them would leave you to lick your wounds all by yourself. Being dumped by your ex is painful; friends dumping you at the same time is excruciating. It could make a person bitter and full of angst, with self-esteem close to zero. Making new friends would seem impossible, and being around normal, happy people would feel like torture.

It’s normal to isolate oneself when in pain, as long as you don’t get stuck in there, hiding forever. It takes time to recover from a divorce, especially a nasty one. But, wasting your time and wallowing in misery is the greatest loss one can ever have. Loss of money, house, car or any property as a result of divorce is nothing compared to the time you spent being unhappy. When the pain from the break-up is starting to wear off, the realization that there is life after divorce kicks in. Friends or no friends, one must move forward and get back into the mainstream of life.

Making new friends can prove to be challenging at first, especially after the trauma of being left out. Some would even give up, forever haunted by the tragedy of the divorce. However, a person’s happiness, success and well-being all depends on one’s relationships with others. Getting out and meeting new people again may feel uncomfortable—do it anyway. There’s no point in mourning the loss of your old friends, because in the long run, losing them may be the next best thing that’s ever happened to you.

Author's Bio: 

The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.