When you were a young child, you were pure love. You were happy,
alive and free.

Unfortunately, you were born into a world that suppresses this state. As a result, you got
hurt, and you got hurt a lot.

As a little child, the only way you could explain this painful loss of love was to blame
yourself. In a moment of hurt, you bought the notion that you were worthless, not good
enough, a failure, not worth loving, or in some other way, not okay.

This wasn't the truth, but to a little child, this was the only explanation that made any
sense at the time. You then hated the very notion that you created. "No one can ever
love me if I'm worthless. Worthless is a horrible way to be."

The moment you bought the notion that you were not okay, and you started resisting this
notion, you created a mechanism that would then sabotage the rest of your life. From that
moment on, the underlying focus of your life would be to avoid this hurt.

You may never notice this hurt but it is certainly there. It determines you actions and
shapes your life.

A good way to see this hurt is to notice what happens the moment you get upset. Notice the
immediate surge of feelings and emotion that come forth. This is the hurt that runs your

Any circumstance that reactivates this hurt then becomes a threat that must be avoided at
all cost. To protect yourself from this threat, you automatically fight, resist and hang

This fighting and resisting is what sabotages your life. It destroys love and creates all
your fear and upset. It is responsible for all your unworkability, all your suffering and
all your self-sabotaging behavior.

The irony is that the more you fight these feelings of being not okay, the stronger they
become and the more they run your life. Avoiding these feelings is what gives them power.

Here is a short exercise that can demonstrate this:

Imagine four large yellow balloons on the ceiling above you, but don't think about them.
Whatever you do, don't think about those four large yellow balloons on the ceiling above
you. You just thought about them. Don't do that.

Notice what happens when you try not to think about the yellow balloons. You keep thinking
about them. In fact, you can hardly think about anything else. Your resisting keeps the
thought alive.

The same is true with the feelings of being worthless, not good enough, or whatever your
issue is. Ultimately, these feelings are only a thought, but by your resisting the thought
of being this way, you give the thought power and carry it with you day after day.

To heal this hurt and to be free inside, you need to do the opposite of fighting and
resisting. You need to find the specific hurt that you've been avoiding and make peace
with it. As you do this, the hurt loses power and disappears.

The best way to find your hurt is to look at your upsets.

Make a list of all the major upsets that you've had in your life. Then find the hurt
that's under each upset. The hurt will always be some form of "not okay".

For each upset, go back in time to the moment the upset began. Then move to the hurt and
ask yourself this question: "What do those circumstances say about me?"

If someone leaves you, this may say that you are not worth loving. If you lose you job,
this may say that you are a failure.

Find the words that hurt the most. The more painful the words, the closer you are to your

Click here for a list of common

As you work with your upsets you will discover that the same hurt keeps showing up in your
life, over and over. This is the hurt that runs your life.

After you find the specific hurt that you've been running from, the next step is to do the
opposite of fighting it, which is to embrace it.

The best way to do this is to look in your life and see that the characteristics you've
been resisting are an aspect of you. They have to be. They wouldn't keep popping up in
your life if they weren't there.

So look in your life and see all the evidence to prove that you are not good enough, not
worth loving, a failure or whatever else you've been resisting.

The evidence will be there if you are willing to see it. You don't have to like it. You
just have to tell the truth about it.

Worthless is part of you. It's also no big deal. You are also worthy. Worthless and worthy
are both aspects of being human.

So allow yourself to be human. Allow yourself to feel all the hurt of being worthless, not
good enough, a failure or whatever your issue is.

The more you let in the fact that these characteristics are an aspect of you, the more
impossible it is to run from them. Your whole life then begins to change.

Instead of creating a life of fear and upset, you create a life of love. You restore the
happiness, the freedom and the aliveness that you once had. You see life clearly and you
become far more effective.

The process for finding and healing this hurt is very simple and very fast. All you need
is the desire to be free.

To learn how, read the book, Heal The Hurt
That Runs Your Life
, or listen to the book on tape. Make sure you do this. This is
very important.

The best way to find and heal this hurt is to have an
Individual Telephone Consulting Session
with Bill Ferguson or a member of his staff. In most cases, this only takes one or two

Call 713-520-5370 if you want more information. The consulting sessions can be done by
telephone or in person.

Author's Bio: 

Bill Ferguson has been featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show and on hundreds of radio and television talk shows across the country. He has led over 2,500 workshops and has worked with thousands of people. His books, How To Heal A Painful Relationship, Heal The Hurt That Runs Your Life and Miracles are Guaranteed, have become best-sellers. He presently leads workshops in the Houston area and does individual consulting by telephone. He can be reached at (713) 520-5370 or on the internet at http://www.effectiveliving.com.