Feeling “Stuck” in a Situation? How To Reassess And Achieve Progress

I think we all, at some time or another, find ourselves at what appears to be a dead end. A dead end can look or feel many different ways, but the important point is that we feel stuck in moving forward, there's pain involved in being stuck, and like the old Western movies where the hero finds himself in a box canyon, we don't see any way out of the situation. What we choose to do, as we contemplate that "dead end," can determine how successful we are not only at getting unstuck in a situation, but ultimately how successful we are in life. I can tell you that I went through many approaches as I contemplated writing this article. Hopefully by sharing my experience you can recognize your pattern if you're stuck, or at some point in the future you can save yourself from staying stuck in that box canyon.

Let me take you back a few weeks, to the point where I was ready to write my next article. I had such a good topic in mind. I did some research and thought about what a valuable topic it would be. It all seemed great until . . . I couldn't get myself to write the article. My first approach was to "fight back." This seems to be the favorite approach for many of the people I meet who seem least happy in their lives. Like a wind-up toy that just keeps bumping into the wall over and over, sometimes we know it doesn't work, but we don't know what else to do. In my own example, several times I forced myself to sit down and work on the article, I promised myself rewards, I tried all those tricks I teach other people to do. Yet, the story wouldn't come. I call this approach "fighting back" because, to me, it feels like willpower and force. Sometimes "fighting back" can work to get us moving again, but I find it more likely makes us tired and frustrated. Obviously this approach wasn't working for me.

Next I thought about "giving in." When you feel like you can't succeed it can be helpful to lull yourself into an "out." Maybe it was time to do something else, maybe I had run out of topics of interest, maybe I'd never be able to write an article again. My goodness, the gremlins can be creative! I call this "giving in" because it's passive and tends to be so disempowering. At least when you are "fighting back" you are doing something in action. In contrast, "giving in" is usually personal {I'm just not ____ enough (fill in the blank with your favorite! Creative, smart, educated, so many to choose from!)} and "giving in" is about inaction.

Blaming is another approach that comes in handy at dead ends. When it's uncomfortable to hold ourselves accountable for the state of things, it's reassuring to pin it on somebody or something else. I used this one too! In my case, I blamed it on circumstances. I had a lot going on, there were more important things to do, and the list goes on. This "blaming" approach is detrimental because we are giving our power away to a person or a situation. With this approach, we're waiting for something external to happen so we can feel like we're moving again. In my case, I recognized what I was doing, and chose to put myself back in control.

If I had stayed with any of those previous approaches, you probably wouldn't be reading this article. So what finally freed me to take action? I finally stepped back to reassess. With this approach, I stopped focusing on what was wrong and started thinking about what I ultimately wanted. I asked myself why I liked writing, what I thought it did for me and for others. Instead of focusing on the "wall" that had me blocked, I focused on everything else. And I realized that sometimes a dead end looks that way because we're too close to get a good view. I use the metaphor of a large boulder in the middle of the road where you want to pass. If you walk all the way up to the boulder, so all you can see is the boulder right in your face, you're unable to see what your options are for getting around, over, or under the boulder. From that perspective, it appears you are completely blocked. It's only by stepping back or turning a different direction that you're able to see what else is possible to get past the boulder.

Reaching what appears to be a "dead end" is a fact of life for any of us who want to grow and reach new limits. The dead end itself is not a problem, as long as we remember we have tools besides fighting back, giving in, and blaming to free ourselves from our perspective. The next time you're feeling stuck, or find yourself in one of those other approaches, take a moment to reassess.

Copyright 2007 Karen Van Cleve. All rights reserved.