Often in my life I have been guilty of taking the inventory of others! In my journey of recovery, I was asked to take an inventory of myself. That was different.
I had found myself at 46 with no idea of who I was or how I became the sad person that I was. As I got into a program of recovery for myself, I was told to be fearless and thorough in my inventory taking.
I tried as directed by the bible of “AA” and as directed by people at the treatment center I attended. I did the best I could, yet got little from the exercise. Finally I was given a very detailed questionnaire, and told to answer every question independently, and just write the answers. Not think about what was the right thing to say; and not to refer back but to keep just going forward.
This exercise took me into nooks and crannies I had not thought about forever. It gave me some good memories, some bad memories, and some thoughts that were emotionally draining enough that I had to take a time out!
I wrote and I wrote, and was as brutally honest as I could be.
At the end, I put the narrative away for a few days, then pulled it out and read it as objectively as I could.
There, before my eyes, was the story of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. I could see wrongs I had done and people that I had hurt (including myself). I could clearly see the very good points in me and as clearly the defects that had developed in my character.
What a revelation.
For the first time in my adult life, I had a good understanding of what happened to me and who I had become. It was astonishing.
There was a day in my life between the ages of 3 and 4 where my world changed dramatically, and a new pattern of behavior developed because my security had been taken from me. From there, I did things to seek attention, and began a search to once again truly “belong”. From that day forward for a period of over 40 years, I was never again comfortable in my own skin. Scary the things I did; I was an actor on a stage and built my own Disneyworld that over time became quite real.
How many have ever taken a true inventory of themselves and for themselves? Ever wonder what makes you you, particularly when you say to yourself “How could I do that?”
There is an answer, and for me this inventory was life altering in a very positive way once I was shown how to dig deep, and could do it with out fear. Yes, the coaching and encouragement of others who had been there and got the t-shirt helped me immensely!
Are you in need of an inventory of you? Do you know how you became the you that you see in the mirror today?

Author's Bio: 

Keith is an Addictions Mentor and Life Transformation Coach experienced in the application in life of the 12 steps. He is based in Markham, Ontario.