In today's fast-changing world, there's hardly a more important emotional intelligence competency to have than resilience.

Resilience means being able to bounce back after setbacks, failures, disappointments and losses. It means not giving up, and continuing to face the future with optimism and courage despite events. You can bolster your resilience by understanding what makes people resilient and then working with a coach to improve your skills in these areas.

People who are the most resilient:

1. Can self-reflect, process what happens and gain wisdom from their experiences. They know who they are without embellishment or fantasy.

2. Face reality head-on, labeling their setbacks, losses and disappointments for what they are.

3. Know their feelings, label them correctly, and express them routinely to others.

4. Know their timezones: past, present, and future.

5. Commit to the agony of grieving for as long as it takes, when necessary.

6. Find meaning and purpose in their struggles.

7. Have high EQ. Think creatively and flexibly under stress. Expand rather than shut down when faced with a challenge.

8. Keep reserves of energy built up through regular periods of rest and renewal.

9. Have people upon whom they can depend, who know and love them as they are.

10. Have a solution-based approach to problems, not an emotion-based approach.

Resilience, like all EQ competencies can be learned. There's nothing you can do about change except get better at it and learn to welcome it and use it.

Recommended reading: "Survivor Personality," by Al Siebert, Ph.D. (

Recommended course: "Resilience", on the Internet. .

Resilience coaching: