Digesting All emotions .... No Matter What.

"God asks only that you include yourself among those you love." - Neale Donald Walsh.

The birthing of new and essential feminine energies over the past few months have meant that we have had to have been in touch with our emotions (whether we are male or female). Not only the daily exploration and digestion of our emotions but also the digestion and acceptance of any lingering, "undigested" ones and their ROOT cause.

To write to you of every adventure I have travelled since writing to you last month would result in a book with numerous sequels *smile*. The energy has been fast and "moving" - of course if the individual has "allowed" it and not "hung on" to what is leaving.

The two "adventures" I have been "asked" to speak of today are so chalk and cheese and yet neatly wrapped together.

I begin by writing to you of love ...

Love is a never ending story. It comes in so many shapes and forms and not all of them would we recognise or label as love.

Love is the very core of who we are and so in each and every moment of our day The lessons always being learnt through such a variety of relationships with ourselves and others.

And yes, Love can hurt. Only a couple of weeks ago at a very appropriate time (I needed to feel and smile that inner smile again) Sunnie came home from school full of concern because her best friend Ruby had been in the "sick room" that day with a broken heart!!

Seven years old - and already sick of love *smile*

My first day at University and a new relationship with love began for me.

The tutor was reading out a letter to the class. The letter had been typed by a father to his newborn son, for him to read when he grew up. As the father placed his expressions of love for his son as ink markings on a sheet of paper - his son, newborn - lay sleeping in his arms.
<> I was suddenly very overwhelmed by two very different emotions - the first was a deep understanding of that love, the memory of holding each of my children for the first amazing time very clear and the love held in those moments too and yet there was this emotion clinging to my throat almost strangling me - I was jealous and angry - why couldn't and didn't my parents ever love me or express love for rme like that - how could they not have known something that appeared so natural as a parent.

I recognised that day that although I had "learnt" of unconditional love for myself and others, although I had learnt to give love and expect no - thing in return. I had not acknowledged or fulfilled my own inner child's needs or even present day needs to be loved.

The letter and the emotions it disturbed within me were just the beginning.

During teaching an Angel Course the following six days as always and never without fail *smile* the Angels took the opportunity to teach me as I taught.

On October the 11th the girls received their group attunement. Never before have I cried during this offering, the tears were thick and fast, but so full of love and joy - it was hard to speak. That day a "new love" was born in me and I belive all of us in the group. I felt it expanding in my heart and it shone like a pure diamond of many , many sparkling dimensions.

I saw then that I was very loved in the now. I had just shut doors to the many ways love is expressed. Often we cannot feel the love others have for us because we have pre - designed ideas how love is or should be in our minds.
They seem to not fit into our "love vocabulary".
This is not to say that we cannot have that love but everyone - a parent, partner, child, friend ... has their unique way of expressing love, their own ideas of love and gifts of love to offer us.
With pre - designed ideas of love, we cannot see, recognise or receive any other form of love, it is almost invisible to us because we do not recognise it as love.

One of the many magnificent and incredible things about working with the Angelic Realm is that more than often all that a "blockage" needs to heal is recognition and then the energy breaks down enabling it to disperse and leave.

Through my own recognition of how I had structured what my relationships should be as regards to love, an energy gently melted. Many wonderful doors have opened since and through those doors an enormous variety of love and expressions of love has entered.
Without opening these doors how many new and beautiful ways would I have never known love!

I saw that the Universe was offering new and higher expressions of love for me to recieve so that in turn I coudl give - in opening doors to new ways, my heart had opened to receive these new wave of love.

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain" Henry Wadsworth 1807 - 1882

And yet there still lingering in my "teeth" and shoulders was this un - deniable anger. It had been building up since that first day at Uni and was incredibly painful by now as if I had spent the past few weeks grinding my teeth.

Looking back now I guess a space of love was needed to be created first so that "anger" felt safe enough to show "herself".
Unfortunately for my children it all bubbled to the surface during half term. My behavior felt beyond my control and I "saw" myself repeating angry verbal scenes that I had seen my mother display when I was a child.

My language was foul just as hers had been, and when I spoke I could feel this energy "bubbling" inside of me, like a kettle that had forgotten to "click off."

Now, all emotions need to be expressed to maintain a heathy mind, body and spirit. I do not believe in labelling an emotion good or bad, negative or positive - labels and I do not really work well together.

There is not good or bad, all emotions need digesting. I see that some are of a low, denser energy and can be harder to move through and some are of a higher vibration in which energy may move with grace and flow.

All emotions are safe to express - this we are to learn and teach our children - of course there are healthy and un healthy ways of expressing emotion and as a child I experienced un healthy shows of anger.

I have had to learn over time that, the "anger " I saw was on a high scale of violence and abuse - the behavior completely un acceptable. If put on a scale of 1- 10, it was way beyond 10. I saw the anger in me was not the same and that it was not for me to shame my anger or place my anger on the same levels as my past experiences.

Well as I had said - the letter read out at Uni was the "button - pusher" - so why?

I was presented with the answer - the core reason - after years of no contact I received an email from my mother - very short and sweet, but holding what I thought was an invitation for a "real" relationship - I saw the email as an opportunity to request "rescue" from a daughter to a mother - my email received no reply - another moment of my mother not "meeting" me - my anger got worse!!

With help from my mentor and the Angles I found a very, very angry child in me who was living in hope and still waiting for her mother to love her as she thought a mother should.
She was angry at her mother for all the times she had let herself be open and vulnerable and yet she had received nothing. Behind this strong display of anger was a very lost, vulnerable, unloved little girl.

It is truly amazing how by meeting this child again as the adult, she felt safe enough to explain her anger and through her explanation and my understanding we became "whole."

It was hard - I had to tell her (in meditation) that she was to stop "waitng for mummy" because she was never coming ... as a parent myself I knew I would not leave Sunnie waiting for someone who would never come - so why leave me.

That bubble of boiling anger has gone - the pain in my teeth too - the "child within" got my attention and I listened. I do not feel myself holding in that bubble, as before I have always known it was there just not why. I can express anger now and no that in no shape or form is it wrong, shameful or harmful to those I love.

She is healed and so am I.

The change has been so wonderful. I have given myself permission to be of a greater love and also a new shiny mummy - a mummy that feels within her own "parent hood" if that makes sense - I have been baking bread and cakes with the children - real nurturing home stuff and it feels good to see my family enjoying that bread so full of love.

I had tried so hard not to be like my mother that I had not complelty found my own role or accepted that that was her "choice" of mothering and I had the right to choose my own.

To move forward we do need to be in our own wholeness - every time there is an energy shift it is after a part of me as healed or been remembered - it is as if I cannot move on until she and I are one for I need that part of me to be healed adn present for the next adventure.

I finish this now by shairng with you a message that Claudia Burnett received around the same time regarding her mother - it fits in beautifully and with far less words *smile*

Sometimes we experience relationships where we feel we are not loved.
The truth is we are loved with all that, that person has at the time.
We may think it's not much or not enough but it's all that they have.
So doesn't that mean they love you with all of their being?