Should I stay or should I leave?

Maybe you are feeling frustrated or disappointed right now. Maybe you are just in a rut or your relationship just doesn’t feel the same. How do you know when there is no hope to fix it, or when it is just like any normal relationship, having some bumps along the way. Asking yourself these questions might help let you know if it’s time to consider leaving, or if there is still enough love left to continue working on it.

If you still can’t decide or don’t have the tools to “fix it”, it may be time to seek some objective, professional help.

1. Were things between you every actually very, very good?
2. Do you argue more or less, when you have more time
3. Are you afraid of your partner? Does s/he have the
potential to become violent?
4. Despite your problems, are there activities that you
both anticipate with pleasure that not only make you
feel good but also feel close?
5. Do you really LIKE your partner? Is s/he a basically
nice person?
6. Does your partner treat you with respect?
7. Does your partner make you feel humiliated or invisible?
8. Does your partner shut down when you want to talk?
9. Is it hard to tell when your partner is telling the
10. Do you often feel that it’s not safe to share your
feelings with your partner?
11. Have either of you stopped any kind of physical contact,
e.g. touching
12. Do you disagree about sex?
13. In times of crisis, do you and your partner pull
together or apart?
14. If you could go back in time, would you still pick the
same partner?
15. If you won the loto, would you fantasize about sharing
it with your partner or wish it was all yours to keep?
16. Is your partner willing to accept his or her share of the
responsibility regarding the couple problems, or is it
always your fault?
17. Do you currently share goals and dreams for your future
life together?
18. Is s/he there for you when you need him or her?
19. When is the last time you had fun together?
20. Have you given up hope that things could ever get better?

Author's Bio: 

M.A. in Counseling Psychology, 25 years in the counseling field,
author, therapist, group leader, teacher.

For further information, please contact: Rhonda Rabow, M.A.