Be Happy Now! - Three Steps For Working Through Difficult Situations

Do you sometimes find yourself trapped in the "I'm Right, You're Wrong Game"? Do you end up feeling tense or angry? Maybe you're not even sure how to do it any differently? Continue on and discover the steps that will help you feel less stress and more happiness, right away.

One way to start being happier is to understand what it is that's causing you to feel tense and angry in the first place. Start by listening to the things that you are saying to yourself. Most likely, every upsetting thought you have has to do with things that you "don't want" and is focused on who's "right" and who's "wrong".

We believe thinking like this: "They lie to me;" "They interrupt when I talk;" or "They wouldn't act like that if they really cared." is paying attention solely to the fact that the other people are simply WRONG:

Take a look at how these thoughts focus on the things a person won't want to have happen: They don't want people to lie, they don't want people to not care for them, and they don't want people to interrupt them. When you focus on the things you don't want, it can be very easy to fall into the trap of the "Blame Game".

The question is how did we start playing this "Right-Wrong Game"? From early on in our history we can find evidence of this game being played. For reasons we won't go into here people have decided it is very important to make the distinctions between, who's nice and who's naughty, who's right and who's wrong, who's good and who's bad. From adults that played the game with us we learned the rules well and have become expert players.

The problem with this is that, while we learn to be very good at identifying who's right and who's wrong and saying what we don't want, we don't learn the skills to identify what we do want--the things that are really important to us.

What's worse, partaking in this game can drain you--cause stress that diminishes your sleep, attitude, and finally, your happiness. The "You're wrong, I'm Right" game creates cycles of pain, confusion, and discomfort. If you find that you feel uncomfortable when pondering the same issue more than three times, it is likely that the cycle has begun.

Try to understand. Anger and being upset cause stress which impact your emotional well-being. A stressed mood can cause issues with how you go about your day-to-day activities, which in turn can add more anger and frustration. If you are a player in the "Right/Wrong Game" and continue thinking about the things that upset you, these negative thoughts will continue to compound your feelings of anger and frustration. If you continue to play this game and don't learn to break this cycle now, you may be headed for a downward spiral.

There is a pretty easy choice you can make for yourself when deciding about the game. That choice is best made by determining if it's more important to be right or if it is more important to be happy. Choose between being right or being happy.

Break Free

To escape this cycle, you must quickly learn to figure out, what you do want, instead of focusing on what you don't want and being "right." Once you focus on what you really want, you can break free from this cycle and achieve true happiness.

More than just desire is needed to get out of the emotional quagmire of the "Right/Wrong Game." You also need to develop the skills and thought patterns necessary to break out of that vicious cycle. Overcoming it will feel odd at first and may take a while, but it can be overcome just like any bad habit with increased self-awareness and practice. If you are tired of constantly feeling upset and emotionally exhausted, this can be a worthwhile area for improvement.

Follow these three easy steps to help you immediately create a new and more rewarding game.

Step One: Your Feelings as Your Guide

We've talked about how the "Right/Wrong Game" causes tension and anger. There is a reason for this discomfort. Feelings of discomfort are part of your emotional guidance system. Think of them as a warning signal that something deeply important is missing from the situation. Feelings of discomfort show you that it's time to get back on the path to the life you truly want.

Step Two: Pinpoint Exactly What it is You DO WANT

If you start this step by focusing on your true inner desires--what you do want, you will then be able to stop focusing on what you don't want. It is of utmost importance to be able to distinguish between the two. Practice listening to what you're thinking. If you notice yourself thinking about what you don't want, what you don't like, then stop and flip your attention to what you do want in the situation. If someone has lied to you and you hear yourself saying: "I don't want to be lied to" dig underneath that "don't want" and identify what's important to you about people not lying. Most likely trust is what's most important--what you "do want".

If you are feeling uncomfortable about something that happened, and you notice your inner voice complaining that "No one who loves me would say those things!" then kindness and respect are probably what you actually desire. In this case you're "do want" might be for others to demonstrate that they value you and your opinions.

You need to be able to identify what's most important to you before you can figure out how to get it.

Step Three: Take Action!

Now that you have figured out what's most important to you in the situation, it's possible to make a plan of action. Do your best to focus on what you do want and avoid focusing on what you don't want. In order to have more trusting relationships, identify something you can do to achieve that trust and if you want caring, then come up with something you can do that will generate caring.

Even the smallest action toward your new goal is better than sitting around being angry and frustrated. Once you're in action, you'll find that your tension and anger will begin to dissolve! Working toward the things that you really want will free you from the counterproductive cycle created by the "Right/Wrong Game". Taking these actions will have an immediate effect by starting you down the path towards less stress and greater happiness.