Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things,
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
- Salt N Pepa (1992, Written by Herby Azor)
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Let's Talk About Sex...
Sex can be an uncomfortable topic for some people. How are you feeling now as you read this? Regular readers of this newsletter may be thinking, "Danish always goes to the edge in his articles on empowerment -- but SEX? What is going on?" Well, maybe it's possible to talk about sex and for the conversation to bring a few inspirational insights...
Lucy Becker (a friend) had asked me recently to participate in her Tantra Sex Workshop. Lucy is the director of the Tantra Centre of Toronto, and has been practicing Tantrica since 1989. I wasn't in a relationship and thought I couldn't benefit nor apply anything from the workshop, so I passed on the course and didn't give it a second thought.
Months later, Lucy called inquiring about advertising in this newsletter. I said, "I don't advertise. I just talk about personal development."
Lucy responds, "Well, isn't sexuality a component of personal development?"
I took a second, and then thought to myself, "Absolutely! As humans, we can choose to grow and evolve sexually, too." Attending this Tantra workshop would be a personal development category I hadn't yet experienced. And so, I enrolled in the course!
The common reaction when I tell people about this is one of surprise, followed by curiosity. While the media overwhelms us with sexual imagery, real and meaningful conversations about sex are rare. Last week, my friend Mahima said to me, "Tell me about THAT course." "Which course?" I questioned. "You know, THAT course..." she replied. "Oh, you mean the SEX course?"
Even the word is difficult to say sometimes. We don't want to be embarrassed. While growing up, some cultures taught us that sex is dirty, naughty, and bad. Sexuality doesn't have to be about raw sex or intercourse per se. It can also be about being in touch with all our needs, including our physical ones.
Lucy's course has taught me that sexuality is a foundational element of being human. Heavy breathing, moaning, and panting are the sounds of nature and the building blocks of pleasure, connection and love. In turn, pleasure, connection and love are building blocks to creating a life that we love. This is a very different way of looking at sex, than some of us may be used to.
Lots can be said about Lucy's course. One of the benefits I got is the ability to give great hugs! That's right -- women are telling me that my hugs are warmer and more soothing than ever before. They feel my embrace as comforting and nourishing. As they verbalize their feelings, a new glow seems to emerge as women realize what is possible when connecting to others. For me, talking about it has caused me to be more sensitive and aware of giving good hugs, and being present to the wonder and power of hugging another human being... Just by talking about it!
Is this a small thing? Yes, and it's also EVERYTHING! Sexuality is about expression and connection, and hugs are the stepping stones of self-expression and intimate connection. Our entire life is affected by our sexuality and our sexual/intimate way of being. Reducing stress, increasing vitality, and being open to spirituality are common areas where sex/intimacy makes a direct impact.
Here's my axiom of personal development: If you want to improve in something, then learn about it and have it be part of your conversations. If you want to improve your health/fitness (for example), then have that conversation be alive for you with your friends and associates. And, if you want to improve the relationship you have with sex, then talk about it...
Sex is a very private component of our lives. I'm not suggesting that we talk to everyone about it. However, creating a safe space where we feel comfortable talking about sex with someone, can transform our lives. When was the last time you talked about sex with someone?
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