No one plans on getting divorced when they get married, and yet that is a possible outcome for some. If you have spent your life mastering people pleasing, always saying yes, being diplomatic, and putting everyone else's needs before yours, you will suffer tremendously if you are confronted with going through a divorce. The following are some areas of negotiating a divorce that people pleasing needs to be replaced with having a Backbone.

1. Fight for you Marriage

As you have heard me say in the past, no divorce should happen until the couple tries everything they can to fight for their marriage. If you are the only one asking for therapy, workshops, time, and or spiritual counseling, you will need a backbone to take a stand for fixing your marriage before moving forward with divorce. "I think we have something special with our family. I ask that you join me in working to get our family back the way we know it can be." If you get to therapy, you will need a Backbone to take a stand for what you believe the marriage needs to flourish. If there are no deal breakers in your marriage, you will want to try everything you can so when your children (as adults) ask why they had to go through a divorce you will be able to say "we tried everything."

2. Hiring your Support Staff

If your marriage cannot be saved and you need to move forward with divorce, more than likely you will hire professionals to help. It will be up to you to have a Backbone to interview these people with tough questions. You need to find out if this person is right for you. That is surely not going to happen if you are trying to please the person. It is paramount you understand you are looking for someone who can have your back, not the other way around. Whether you are hiring a lawyer, a mediator, an accountant, a therapist, or dealing with your soon to be "ex", it is imperative you convey that you have opinions, ideas, thoughts, and a voice. If you are focused on how to please everyone, you will successfully throw yourself under the bus!

3. Negotiate Rigorously

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Author's Bio: 

Dr. Anne Brown PhD, RN of Sausalito, California, is a psychotherapist, speaker, coach, and the author of Backbone Power: The Science of Saying No . Anne's approach is especially applicable to people affected by divorce. Backbone Power is a no nonsense self help guide to making decisions while having backbone and integrity in all your choices, short term and long term. In addition to helping the divorce community, Anne has over twenty years experience as the trusted advocate and advisor to influential corporate leaders, trial attorneys, athletes, leaders, physicians and others seeking actionable guidance. Brown is a graduate of the University of Virginia, BS in Nursing; Boston University, MS in Psychiatric-Mental Health in Nursing; and International University, PhD in Addiction Studies. In 1997 Brown also reached a personal goal of obtaining her Black Belt in Soo Bahk Do. You can contact Dr. Anne Brown through her website: www.BackbonePower.com .