10 Considerations For Children's Sleep

1. Every child can be gently taught to sleep through the night by somewhere between two and four months of age. This means for infants a period of about 6-8 hours before a feeding, which usually requires you waking them. There is some slight variation in the times and ages of this occurring but not much. Most sleep through the night by three months!

2. When you feed must be without the notion of sleep after about 2-3 months of age. Feeding and sleep must coexist in a prior thought out plan.
Children need to consume the bulk of their calories within the day light not at night or through the night. This enables them to be tanked up for sleep. It is a good idea to cluster feed infants a couple of hours before bed. Children also need to not be put to bed directly after a feeding or be permitted to fall asleep while eating. This helps with better more efficient feedings and a beginning of learning to put ones self to sleep. Eating does not equal sleep!

3. There has to be a consistent and structured routine. I know many cringe at this notion, but it is absolutely the truth that children respond and thrive with routine. A schedule helps children know what the parameters are and what to expect. Expectations need to be clear and consistent. There should be regular feeding times, nap times and bed time rituals. This also aids the parents and caregivers to be able recognize and respond to children’s sleep windows and signs of fatigue. If in daycare situation children need the same routine and schedule as what they have at home. Communication with the caregiver is essential.

4. A reasonable consistent bed time is crucial. Much has been studied regarding children’s bed times and the requirements for how much sleep children need. Children respond best with an early consistent bed time and they need between 10-12 hours of sleep most nights. This amount of sleep is in addition to naps for little ones. Children are growing and developing at a rapid rate and sleep is a crucial aspect of this growth. Infants develop more in their first year than at any other time in their life. If bed time is too late it can throw off there waking and the rest of their day. Children and adults have a rhythm based on light and temperature and it is helpful to work with those rhythms not against by keeping up too late at night. My infants all went to bed between 6:30 and 7 PM and my older children to this date (ages 61/2 and 4) still go to bed around 7:30-7:45 PM and sleep until 7:30 AM. Anytime between 6:30 and 8:00 is a reasonable bed time.

5. Sleep gets more sleep! The more an infant in particular and children to some extent sleep the better and more they will sleep at night. I know some of you try giving up naps or putting baby down later in an attempt to get them to stay asleep, this rarely works and can even backfire. Children and even adults when overtired release cortisol into their bodies. This is a chemical that is responsible for our flight or fight response when in perceived or real danger. Cortisol keeps you awake and alert! Children then have a very hard time going to sleep and staying asleep. This is why sometimes they seem like they are fighting going to sleep. It is important to learn to recognize your child’s sleep cues and windows. It is also crucial that they get enough sleep.

6. Keep stimulation before naps and before bed time to a minimum. The child’s sleep environment should be kept calm and soothing. The crib is not the place for toys, bright colors, mobiles etc. Before a sleep time is not the time for loud rowdy play and noisy games or toys for the same reason ass above. Just as adults usually have a winding down ritual before bed, your children require the same. Most babies and some children are very sensitive to stimulation. It makes it hard for them to learn how to fall asleep on their own and how to self sooth.

7. Develop and maintain a calm, soothing, consistent nap and bed time ritual. This is a very short process for infants, usually no more than 15 minutes. An idea is a bottle or breast, a warm bath, brush teeth (if have any) a cuddle or a song and right to bed. Older children usually require a little more maybe a half an hour ritual. An idea is a snack, a warm bath, brush teeth, a book, a song or a quiet game and right to bed. This is absolutely a must! It gears the brain for sleep and sets into motion winding down to sleep. Adults almost always do this exact same thing before they go to bed. This is to be carried out no matter where you are who is putting the children to bed. This teaches self soothing. This could be the time to introduce a bed buddy if desired. A toy, stuffed animal a blanket or what ever will be used as a comfort object for your child throughout their young years of sleep. This is known as a transitional object and I have had great success with them.

8. Keep the child’s sleep environment the same when light and awake as when it is dark and they are partially awake during the night. If there is a fan running, if there is a night light on, if there is a bed buddy in the bed do not change the environment after the child id asleep. A partial wakening during the night can then become a full awakening if the child notices something different. This also means that children need to take the majority of their naps and sleep at night in their room and in the bed that they are expected to sleep in permanently. An infant needs to nap and go to bed at night in their crib in the room they are expected to sleep in by the age of 3-4 months. An older child also needs to consistently sleep in their bed in their room. Consistency is crucial!

9. The biggest challenge is undesirable sleep associations. This causes without a doubt the most challenges when trying to get and have your children stay asleep. This is the bulk of the work I do with sleep issues, is do change undesirable sleep associations. Children must learn preferably from an early age to self sooth. This is a desirable skill not just for sleep but for many areas of life. We have no problem with teaching this skill for other areas of life but for some reason when it comes to sleep we put all kinds of negative labels on it. This is a learned life skill. Anything that requires you to be present or to participate in the child going to sleep and staying asleep is an undesirable sleep association. These are things such as feeding, rocking, walking, singing, patting, cuddling, holding and many more. The time and place for these is during the pre-bed rituals. It is best when you start sleep training with this in mind when your children are infants, but it can be unlearned in an older child as well. It is just more of a challenge. It requires extinction over several nights. If your child is young it takes normally only 3 nights. If older it can be much longer but rarely more than a week or so.

10. This the most important to get and accept. Consistency is not optional! You must remain consistent at all times. This means start as you would like to proceed and do not take a stand on any area that you are not ready or willing to commit to, without and resistance. If your child in any area, not just sleep learns that the boundaries are loose and discretionary then they will always fight against them. If you set a rule or and expectation and only sometimes it enforce it you will not get compliance and further the next time you try to enforce it the fall out will be worse. Children learn what they experience. When you draw a line in the sand you must win each and every time so choose those lines very carefully. In terms of sleep, if you desire your child to go to sleep and sleep through the night then you cannot one day pick hi or her up and bring then in bed with you and then the next demand that they stay in bed. IT MUST BE CONSISTENT! I cannot say this strongly or enough. It is the key.

Thank you for taking the time to get to know me and for reading my first article. I welcome your questions, requests, comments and ideas for future articles. Please direct them to tamra@tamraparker.com. Also, I am available for coaching if in need of further assistance. You can use the above link to reach me. Experience a magnificent life consciously in the here and now.

Tamra Parker,LCSW